How Time Flies
by frequentscribbler
Summary: After nearly five years since she married Gary, is Miranda still living in a fairytale or has the bubble burst?
1. 4 Years 263 Days

INT . MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT.  
>It is empty apart from the sofa and TV. In walks Miranda.<p>

MIRANDA: Oh my it's you! It's really you! Well my chums, it's been a while! Give us a twirl, lets have a look at you! My word you've all aged so well!

Miranda sniggers into the camera.

MIRANDA: I jest, you are all looking wonderful, no really you are! Especially you sir!

Miranda slaps herself on the hand.

MIRANDA: Now that was naughty wasn't it! Considering I am a married woman!

Miranda flaunts her ring to the camera.

MIRANDA: So it's been nearly 5 years years since we last saw each other, what's changed with you?

Miranda looks at her watch.

MIRANDA:And back to me! So what's changed with me? Well I have been Mrs Preston for exactly 4 years and 263 days, but whose counting?

She points to herself and mouths "I AM!"

MIRANDA: The eagle eyed among you may have already noticed that we are in fact in my old flat. It's still mine but Stevie lives here now, hence the bold clashing colours. She's in the middle of redecorating!

Miranda walks over to the sofa and sits down.

MIRANDA: Me and Gary live in a little cottage, about 20 minutes that way!

Miranda points to the window.

MIRANDA: No, it's not the Hamilton Lodge, although we still have regular visits! Gary has come onto my way of thinking when it comes to a hotel room! It's the best thing about a holiday! What am I doing here, I hear you ask? Well I am here for mine and Stevie's girly night in. It's the one night where I can just relax and have fun. Not that I am in any way insinuating that married life isn't fun, because it is!

INT: A LIVING ROOM. (FLASHBACK)

Gary and Miranda are on Space Hoppers, you hear a gun and they hop off around the house, we stay in the living room, they come back.

Miranda pushes Gary off of his space hopper and bounces back into the living room.

She begins to celebrate, Gary retaliates by popping her Space Hopper.

INT: BACK TO MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT

Back to present. Miranda is texting.

MIRANDA: Sorry! Yes, there's never a boring day in the Preston Household! But, no, it is nice to come to Stevie's once a week to have a girly giggle with my best friend. Where is she? Um.. Good question. She's... Um.. I don't know where she is.

Miranda gets up and goes in search of Stevie.

MIRANDA: Stevie? Steeevie? STEVIE!

She looks in all of the cupboards, in the bathroom and in the bedroom. Suddenly Stevie walks through the front door, she is soaked head to toe.

MIRANDA: Little one! What's happened?

Stevie blanks her and walks over to the sofa, she takes off her coat and along with her bag puts it on the floor.

MIRANDA: Stevie?

Miranda sits next to her.

STEVIE: Do you really not remember? Think really hard. What were you meant to do today? What were you meant to do at precisely 4 o'clock today?

Miranda looks at her watch.

STEVIE: Shall I give you a clue? It involves me!

Miranda jumps up holding her hand over her mouth.

STEVIE: Yes! At four o'clock today, you Miranda Preston was meant to pick me, Stevie Sutton up from...

Miranda interrupts.

MIRANDA/STEVIE: (Shouts) THE TRAIN STATION!

Stevie nods as she walks over to the sink. She starts to pour herself a drink.

MIRANDA: I'm so sorry Little one! It totally slipped my mind, Gary and I were having a competition to see who could fits the most grapes into their mouths! I won of course!

Stevie storms into the bedroom.

MIRANDA: Sulking like a teenager are we?

Miranda stretches out across the sofa.

MIRANDA: So, previously in my life, Gary decided it would be fun to climb a mountain.

EXT: GARY AND MIRANDA ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN. (FLASHBACK)

Gary is stood up taking in the atmosphere and surroundings. Miranda is led on the floor, red faced and struggling for breath.

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT

Back to present.

MIRANDA: Not fun! Mum and Dad are fine, and when I say fine, I actually mean at loggerheads! They're still together, just. They've been seeing the therapist for the past few months.

INT: THERAPISTS OFFICE (FLASHBACK)

Penny is stood at the therapist's desk, she is paying for the session.

PENNY: Three hundred pounds? It was two hundred last time?

THERAPIST: That's inflation for you!

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT

Back to present. Miranda is setting up the karaoke machine.

MIRANDA: Bet mum had wished she'd gone on the NHS! THREE HUNDRED POUNDS! It's daylight robbery! Where were we? Oh yes, mum and dad. They came over for tea the other night, it was what I call a disaster!

INT: A DINING ROOM.

Penny and Gary are sat at the table, Penny is a tad tipsy. Miranda is stood by a door.

MIRANDA: Dad, do come out! She didn't mean it!

PENNY: (Whispers to Gary) Oh but I did!

Miranda looks to Penny who is pouring herself another drink, she signals for her mother's help. Penny just shakes her head. Miranda then looks to Gary who shrugs his shoulders.

MIRANDA: You both need to go away and take a long hard look at yourselves. You come into our home, and spoil this lovely meal with your childish arguments. I will have it no longer.

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT

Back to present. Miranda is setting up the snack fishing game. She smiles and swings the fishing rod. When it swings back there is a box of Jaffa cakes attached.

MIRANDA: Jaffa cake anyone? Stevie? Are you ready yet? Everything is set up for our girly night in!

Miranda waits for a reply but gets nothing.

MIRANDA: RUDE! Well, if she's going to be like that then I am going to crack on with the games! Crack! Good word! Crack!

Miranda starts to scroll through the songs on the karaoke. She stops and smiles.

MIRANDA: Perfect!

Chesney Hawkes - I am the One and Only comes on. Miranda starts to dance and sing. Scene ends.


	2. Cupcake Tennis

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT

Miranda is asleep on the sofa, Stevie comes out of the bedroom and glances at her watch, then looks towards Miranda, she starts to walk towards the sofa but turns back and walks out of the flat, slamming the door behind her. Miranda wakes.

MIRANDA: Stevie?

Miranda jumps up.

MIRANDA: Was that Stevie?

Miranda looks at her watch.

MIRANDA: Noon. Seriously? What happened last night?

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT - THE NIGHT BEFORE (FLASHBACK)

Miranda is sat on the sofa surrounded by wrappers from all of the 'Snack Fishing' items, she is singing along to Kylie and Jason.

MIRANDA: Stevie refuses to come out. So I text Gary, but he's taken the opportunity to invite some friends round for a boys night! I don't want to ruin his night, which means it is a night on the sofa for me!

Something is poking Miranda in the back, she pulls it out, it is a box of After eights.

MIRANDA: I shall sit her and gorge on these chocolates! Feeling sorry for myself!

She turns on the Television.

MIRANDA: An officer and a Gentleman! Perfect!

She snuggles down on the sofa, scoffing the chocolates.

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT

Back to present time, Miranda is led back on the sofa.

MIRANDA: Oh yes, my dreams were all full of the lovely Richard Gere!

Footsteps are heard coming up the stairs. Then Gary's voice is heard.

GARY: Miranda? Miranda?

MIRANDA: Richard Gere eat your heart out!

Gary enters the flat. Miranda jumps up.

MIRANDA: Hello!

GARY: What happened last night?

MIRANDA: Not a lot, a bit of snacking, solo karaoke, a film, why?

Miranda walks over to Gary.

GARY: Stevie's gone!

MIRANDA: Gone? Gone Where?

GARY: She's going back up to Wick, but this time for good!

MIRANDA: She can't! She's my little poof, you can't have a sofa without the poof!

GARY: She's going from the train station at two o'clock. I think she wants you to stop her!

MIRANDA: But I have to pick up...

Gary interrupts.

GARY: I'll go! You stop Stevie!

Miranda and Gary kiss, then Miranda runs out of the flat.

EXT: In Miranda's car.

MIRANDA: Why would she just leave? I need to ring her.

Miranda presses a button on the dashboard.

MIRANDA: Ring Stevie!

VOICE OF CAR SYSTEM: Ringing ... Tilly.

MIRANDA: NO! End Call. Ring Sttteeevvviiee! I can't make it any clearer!

VOICE OF CAR SYSTEM: Ringing ... Charlie.

MIRANDA: NO! RING STEVIE! STEVIE! I WANT TO RING STEVIE!

VOICE OF CAR SYSTEM: Ringing ... Gary.

Miranda looks very frustrated, she starts banging on the steering wheel. Gary's voice echoes around the car.

GARY: Have you got her!?

MIRANDA: Not yet! I was trying to ring her but the car had other ideas. Can you ring her and tell her not to go anywhere until I get there!

Gary puts the phone down, Miranda pulls into the train station. She gets out and gallops onto the platform.

INT: On the Platform. Stevie is stood on the phone. Miranda gallops up to her!

MIRANDA: I am here! 2 o'clock on the dot! Need a lift!

Stevie smiles, they hug!

MIRANDA: I'm sorry about yesterday! I didn't mean to forget you! But fear not, I have cleared my schedule, I'm free for the rest of the afternoon. Where shall we go?

STEVIE: Lets just go back to the flat. We can continue our snack Olympics!

They gallop back to the car.

EXT: Back in Miranda's car. Stevie has a list of games.

MIRANDA: What's that?

STEVIE: This my friend is Stevie's Snack Olympic Game planner. If you would give me a moment, I will consult the chart and check which event is next. Hmmm. For this afternoon we are participating in a game I like to call "Cupcake Tennis" Although remember last time...

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP (FLASHBACK)

Stevie is setting up a machine, it looks like a machine that fires tennis balls. Instead they have filled it with cupcakes.

STEVIE: Are you ready?

Camera turns to Miranda who is dressed as a tennis player. She is even wearing a fake moustache and sweatbands. The moustache falls off. Stevie turns on the machine and it starts firing cupcakes at Miranda.

MIRANDA: Stevie! Not ready! Switch it off!

Miranda stands back up and one hits her on the side of the face. Stevie tries to turn it off but the cupcakes start to fly quicker. Miranda grabs her racket and starts hitting them back towards Stevie, who tires to catch them in her mouth.

EXT: In Miranda's car.

Back to present, Stevie and Miranda look at each other and start laughing.

MIRANDA: Maybe we could do cupcake shot-put instead? Or maybe Cupcake catapult? You have to catapult a cupcake across the room and I have to catch it in my mouth?

STEVIE: Good plan Stan!

Miranda looks confused.

MIRANDA: Who's Stan?

STEVIE: Never mind! So where's Gary this afternoon?

MIRANDA: He's at the restaurant then is going to pick up...

The dashboard starts to beep, Miranda looks at the screen and a picture of Penny comes up with the options; Accept or Decline call.

MIRANDA: DECLINE DECLINE!

Miranda pushes the wrong button and accepts the call, Penny's voice echoes through the car.

PENNY: Miranda, darling! You'll never guess who I've just seen.

Miranda signals for Stevie to keep quiet.

MIRANDA: I'm... Mum... Can't... You... Going... Tunnel... You're... UP!

Miranda hangs up as they pull up in a car park. Miranda and Stevie get out.

MIRANDA: Thank you for staying! I don't know what I would have done if you had gone!

Stevie walks around the car and hugs Miranda.

STEVIE: I don't think I would have done it anyway! What am I without you!

Miranda squeezes her and then they gallop up to the flat. Scene ends.


	3. Noah

INT: Miranda's Shop.

Miranda is sat on the inflatable chair, she is in fits of laughter.

MIRANDA: Are you okay little one?

Stevie appears from behind the counter, her face is covered in cupcake frosting.

MIRANDA: You've got a little something...

Miranda walks over to her and runs her finger through the frosting and then licks her finger.

MIRANDA: Yum!

Stevie looks unimpressed, then runs into the back to get a towel.

STEVIE: I look like I've been attacked by an angry baker! Like Mr Kiplin's had a meltdown!

Gary pops his head around the door.

GARY: Everything okay?

Miranda's smile grows.

MIRANDA: Where's...

GARY: I'm on my way now, can I borrow the car?

MIRANDA: Of course!

Gary comes in, Miranda walks to her bag and get the keys out. Gary tries to get them, Miranda holds them just out of reach.

GARY: Please?

Miranda smiles but shakes her head.

GARY: Like that is it?

Gary kisses her. Stevie comes out and puts her hand over her eyes.

STEVIE: Seriously?

Miranda and Gary jump. Gary kisses her once more then exits.

STEVIE: Right, Big One! I challenge you to "Profiterole Football"

MIRANDA: I accept your challenge!

The two converse in their comical handshake then run upstairs.

EXT: CAR PARK.

Gary is parked outside a building. He jumps out of the car and runs up to entrance.

GARY: I have come to pick up Noah?

LADY'S VOICE: Do you have the password?

GARY: Such fun!

A buzzer sounds and Gary enters. He is welcomed by a member of staff who leads him into a room full of children. A four year old boy runs up to him. The little boy is very tall for his age, he has dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

GARY: Hello! Have you had a nice day? What did you get up to in school?

Noah drags Gary over to the messy play table.

GARY: What is it?

NOAH: It's a rocket!

GARY: Did you make it?

NOAH: I did.

Noah looks very pleased with himself.

GARY: Shall we get your stuff?

Noah runs to get his stuff, Gary follows and picks him up. A member of staff lets them out.

NOAH: Bye!

GARY: See you tomorrow!

Gary carries Noah to the car. Straps him in, and gets in.

GARY: Shall we go to the restaurant?

NOAH: Can I have some cake?

GARY: Have you been a good boy today?

NOAH: Of course.

Noah winks.

GARY: In that case, you can help me make some cakes, how does that sound?

Noah smiles and nods very enthusiatically.

INT: GARY'S RESTAURANT.

Gary walks in carrying Noah. They are greeted by Stevie.

STEVIE: Hello you two!

GARY: What are you doing here?

STEVIE: Stealing some of your profiteroles. For round two of profiterole football.

GARY: Where's Miranda?

STEVIE: She's back at the flat. What are you two up to?

NOAH: We're going makes some cake.

STEVIE: Well I won't keep you any longer!

GARY: Can you give her the car keys back please? It's back in the car park. Noah and I are going to walk home!

STEVIE: No problem!

Stevie exits, Gary and Noah go into the kitchen.

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT

Stevie and Miranda are bent down at either end of the table. Miranda place a profiterole on to the table and flicks it towards Stevie and it goes into her mouth. Miranda jumps up.

MIRANDA: GOAL!

She runs around the room celebratring but soon notices the time.

MIRANDA: I need to go! Gary's cooking a special meal tonight!

STEVIE: But what about our game?

MIRAND: Just think of it as half time!

Miranda exits.

EXT: OUTSIDE MIRANDA AND GARY'S COTTAGE

Miranda pulls up, it is getting dark. You can see Gary in the kitchen, she sits there watching him for a moment. He notices her. Suddenly he disappears, then reappears with Noah. Noah waves, Miranda waves back. She gets out of the car and walks up to the door. Gary opens the door.

GARY: Hello there! Nice afternoon?

MIRANDA: Indeed. How's Noah?

GARY: Very hyper. Bedtime could not come sooner!

Miranda and Gary walk into the house, Miranda hangs up her things then joins Gary and Noah in the kitchen.

MIRANDA: Helloo tiny one!

Noah is drawing.

NOAH: Look, the moon!

Miranda looks out of the window.

NOAH: No! Here!

He holds up his drawing

NOAH: This is you on the moon!

MIRANDA: That's one for the fridge!

GARY: Right mister,are you ready for bed?

Miranda stands up.

GARY: You go and sit down, I'll take him up!

Noah kisses Miranda

NOAH: Goodnight!

MIRANDA: Goodnight tiny one!

Noah runs after Gary. Miranda pours herself a glass of wine and goes into the living room. She stretches out on the sofa. She snuggles down and soon starts snoozing. Gary comes into the living room moments later with a plate of Lasagne. He waves it under Miranda's nose. She instantly wakes up.

MIRANDA: For me?

GARY: For you!

Miranda kisses him.

MIRANDA: Oh I do love having a chef for a husband!

Miranda stands and links arms with Gary. They walk into the kitchen and tuck into their meal.

GARY: Are you okay to pick up Noah tomorrow?

MIRANDA: Of course. What's on the agenda for you then?

GARY: I have the Wedding Fair. Actually thinking about it, will you be able to taste some cakes for me please?

MIRANDA: Do you even have to ask?

Gary starts to giggle as he clears away the plates. Then he gets a range of cakes from the cupboard.

GARY: So up first we have a rum based fruit cake.

Miranda picks up the cake and takes a great big bite.

MIRANDA: Oooo, you can definately taste the rum! Oh Gary that's gone straight to my head!

Gary takes away the cake.

MIRANDA: Did I say I was finished?

Gary replaces it with a chocolate cake, Miranda's eyes light up.

GARY: Now this is a triple chocolate torte cake, sandwiched together with mint infused cream.

Miranda takes a bite. Suddenly she stands up picks up the plate and runs out of the room.

GARY: I'm guessing she approves!

Miranda comes back into the room with an empty plate.

MIRANDA: I like that!

She licks her lips and then the plate. Suddenly you hear Noah whining.

MIRANDA: I'll go.

Gary throws a toy rocket to Miranda.

GARY: He probably wants this.

Miranda walks up the stairs and in the bedroom. Noah is sat up in bed, Miranda gives him the rocket.

MIRANDA: What's up tiny one?

NOAH: I miss Mummy and Daddy!

MIRANDA: Why don't you tell me about the rocket you made at school today. Uncle Gary said it looked just like a real rocket!

Miranda snuggles down on the bed with Noah. A little while later Gary walks up into the bedroom to find Miranda and Noah both asleep. Gary gently taps Miranda, who wakes. She gets up, trying not to wake Noah.

GARY: Just had Chris on the phone, checking up on the little fella. Having a child's fun, don't you think?

MIRANDA: Yes, you can tell them all sorts of stories and they believe you!

Gary playfully hits Miranda.

GARY: No, be serious. Shall we have one?

MIRANDA: What a child?

GARY: No, a space rocket! Yes a child.

MIRANDA: Oh I don't know Gary!

GARY: Just think, a mini me.

Miranda is about to say something.

GARY: Stop it!

They walk into another bedroom.

GARY: Just think, another person to join in with our games. Just think of the fun we can have. We can go to all the children's parties and eat all the food.

MIRANDA: I can teach them to Gallop!

GARY: Oh Miranda, lets do it! Lets have a baby!


	4. Wedding Fair

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S BEDROOM

Miranda wakes up, she looks to her left and realises Gary isn't there. She gets up, puts on her robe and walks into the other bedroom. She finds Gary asleep next to Noah, she leans on the door frame and watches them sleep. Gary wakes.

MIRANDA: Good Morning!

GARY: He woke up crying for Alison, so I slept in here with him! What time is it?

MIRANDA: Seven. What time do you have to be at the fair?

GARY: It opens at ten, so will need to get there around about nine o'clock to set up.

Gary gets up off the bed, the two walk back into their bedroom.

MIRANDA: If I drop Noah off at Breakfast club, I can come and help you set up!?

GARY: Is that really a good idea? Remember last time...

INT: WEDDING FAIR (FLASHBACK)

Gary and Miranda are setting up the stall. There is a fridge unit with different foods and cake samples. Next to it is a table, it is home to a dozen different wedding cakes.

GARY: Can you pass me the box from under the table please?

Miranda bends down and gets the box from under the table, she hits her head on the table which then collapses, the cakes start to slide off the table onto the floor. Miranda tries to stop them by laying her arm across the table. She then starts to use her face, inadvertently starting to eat them. Gary turns around.

GARY: Miranda?

MIRANDA: The table collapsed! Help!

Gary dives under the table and readjusts it. Gary stands back up, Miranda is still knelt plastered in cake.

MIRANDA: On the plus side Gary, I can tell you that the taste of your cakes bring me to my knees!

Miranda starts to laugh frantically.

MIRANDA: Gary! Did you see what I did? Gary? Because I'm on my knees!

Gary blanks her.

MIRANDA: Rude!

GARY: Go and get yourself cleaned up, I'll sort all of this out!

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S BEDROOM.

Miranda is sat on the bed dressed, Gary is stood in his robe.

MIRANDA: Did you really mean what you said last night?

Gary walks over to her and takes her hands.

GARY: I want nothing more than to start a family with you!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Great! No pressure then!

Miranda kisses him.

MIRANDA: Well, we'll see shall we? I best wake Noah and get him read for school!

Miranda exits, Gary goes into the bathroom.

MIRANDA: Wakey Wakey tiny one! It's time to get up!

Miranda walks into the bedroom again, Noah is up and dressed.

MIRANDA: Someone's on the ball! Shall we get some breakfast?

Noah runs over to her and holds her hand. They jump down the stairs together.

NOAH: We're like kangaroos! Boing! Boing!

MIRANDA: So what would you like for breakfast?

NOAH: Dippy eggs!

MIRANDA: As you wish!

Miranda signals for the camera to come closer.

MIRANDA: I'm flapping! I can see that Gary really wants to have a baby but I'm not sure! It's a big step! I know we've mentioned it in the past but now I'm really scared. We look after Noah quite regularly, and sometimes have Joshua as well. It gives Chris and Alison a break. I love having him bu I always look forward to handing him back!

Noah walks up to her and pulls her down to his level.

NOAH: Please can I have the special toast spoons?

MIRANDA: Of course you can. Dippy eggs wouldn't be the same without toast spoons!

Gary comes in.

MIRANDA: Noah, do you want to go and gather your things together, I'll call you when breakfast is ready?

Noah runs off upstairs.

GARY: I'm sorry, I don't want to pressure you into anything!

MIRANDA: It's okay, I'm just scared, that's all. To have someone who relies solely on me is very daunting.

GARY: But we'll be a team! Me, you and our baby!

Gary wraps his arms around Miranda and is about to kiss her when Noah walks in. Miranda and Gary move away from each other. Miranda gets the eggs off the side and places them on the table for Noah. On the eggs she has drawn funny faces. She looks to Gary who smiles and mouths the words "Have a think!" He blows her a kiss and walks out to his van. Miranda watches through the window waving as he drives off.

MIRANDA: Noah, what do you love about your mummy?

NOAH: She makes me laugh, and she gives the best cuddles.

Miranda ruffles his hair.

MIRANDA: Eat up sweetie.

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP

Stevie is restocking the shelves. She comes to a box full of "Fart'o'meters" suddenly a large fart echoes through the shop.

STEVIE: I didn't press anything?

Miranda appears behind her.

MIRANDA: Sorry about that!

Stevie screams and runs behind the counter, Miranda ties to waft it away.

STEVIE: Oh Miranda!

MIRANDA: I'm sorry little one but hush, hush. I have news which I will now berth!

Stevie sits on the counter.

MIRANDA: Last night when we put Noah to bed last night Gary looked to ,me and said...

Penny walks in.

PENNY: Hello darling!

Miranda and Stevie tell Penny to Shhhhh!

MIRANDA: Gary wants us to have a baby!

Stevie jumps down from the counter and the two start to clap excitedly. Penny faints.

INT: MIRANDA'S OLD FLAT.

Penny is led on the sofa. Miranda is playing "Chocolate Biscuit Challenge" She starts with a chocolate biscuit on her forehead, she has to get it into her mouth without touching it. She shakes her head until it falls into her mouth. Once she does she jumps up celebrating, which wakes Penny.

MIRANDA: (Finishing off the biscuit) Are you okay? You scared me!

PENNY: Oh Miranda, I'm more than happy, I'm ecstatic!

Stevie runs in.

STEVIE: That was Noah's school, they were out on a school trip when Noah ran away!

Miranda jumps up and gathers her things, then runs out of the flat.

INT: IN MIRANDA'S CAR

MIRANDA: Now this is why Gary and I should not have a baby!

She presses a button on the dashboard.

MIRANDA: RING GARY!

VOICE OF CAR SYSTEM: Ringing Gary.

Miranda loves relieved. Gary's voice echoes round the car.

GARY: Hello you!

MIRANDA: I'm coming to get you, Noah's run away from his school trip!

GARY: What? How?

MIRANDA: I don't know but we need to find him!

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP

Gary and Miranda run into the shop, Stevie and Penny have their backs to the door.

MIRANDA: We've looked everywhere! We can't find him!

Stevie and Penny turn around to reveal Noah sat in the bubble chair.

GARY: Come here!

Noah runs over to Gary and Miranda and hugs them.

MIRANDA: Don't you ever do that again!

NOAH: I'm sorry, I wanted to spend some more time with you before going home tonight!

Gary picks up Noah.

GARY: Miranda, best ring the school and say that we've found him!

Miranda walks off.

GARY: I should march you straight back to school little mister!

NOAH: Do you have to?

Miranda looks to Gary.

GARY: Okay, shall we go back to the house? You can choose a film for us to watch?

Noah jumps down from Gary's arms.

NOAH: Race you to the car!

Gary follows and then so does Miranda, waving to Penny and Stevie.

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S LIVING ROOM.

The three of them are led on the sofa together, watching The Muppets. The film ends and they start singing The Muppet Song.

GARY: Right then Mister, time to get you back to Mummy and Daddy, they'll be missing you!

NOAH: Can I come back soon?

MIRANDA: Of course you can!

She kisses Noah on the forehead and then kisses Gary as he passes. Gary and Noah exit. Miranda waves to Noah, who winks back. The camera zooms in on Miranda.

MIRANDA: Okay, maybe I did overreact, maybe a baby is the next step. I love Gary, he loves me. Yes it will be stressful but like Gary said we'll be a team! Well my chums, only time will tell!

Scene Ends.


	5. Stop, Thief!

INT MIRANDA'S KITCHEN

Miranda is sat at the kitchen table reading a newspaper. The Headline reads; "Chef Stops Robber!"

MIRANDA: Oh hello! I didn't see you there! You do know it is rude to creep up on people?

Miranda puts the paper down, as she does it reveals a picture of Gary. Miranda's smile is beaming.

MIRANDA: Yes, you are correct. That is my husband on the front of the newspaper, and no your eyes do not deceive you, he did in fact stop a robber! It was all very exciting to be honest, don't get me wrong it was terrifying at the time but now, when we look back on it, it was all very exciting.

INT MIRANDA'S SHOP (FLASHBACK)

Miranda and Stevie are sat behind the counter playing "Go Fish"

STEVIE: Business is rather slow today!

Gary enters.

GARY: Can I borrow your coffee machine? I know it's a random ask, but ours has just broken!

MIRANDA: Of course, you know where it is.

Gary walks into the side room.

STEVIE: Do you have a two?

MIRANDA: Go Fish!

Stevie picks up a fishing rod and bends over the counter, dangling the fishing rod into a pool. Each card has a magnet attached to it. She fishes for a card. Suddenly a hooded man walks up to the counter.

MIRANDA: Yo!

THIEF: Put all the money into a bag!

MIRANDA: We're being robbed Stevie! Stevie! We're being robbed! I don't know whether this is exciting or...

Gary walks out of the side room, but notices the man so waits.

THIEF: Quickly, or I will have to shoot you.

MIRANDA: Scary,this is definitely scary!

He raises his left arm which is under his jacket. A "gun" shape appears.

STEVIE: Don't shoot me! I have my whole life ahead of me! Shoot her!

Stevie hides behind Miranda.

MIRANDA: Oh thanks.

THIEF: Hurry up!

Gary walks up behind the thief and hits him across the back of the head with the coffee machine, which he then drops.

GARY: Stevie, ring the police.

Gary takes the gun from out of the guys jacket, but it turns out to be a banana.

MIRANDA: A banana? He was trying to rob us with a banana? A banana! Of all the things he chooses a banana!

GARY: Yeah, could you stop saying banana?

STEVIE : The police are on their way!

MIRANDA: Gary! You've just stopped a robber!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: I've never been more aroused!

Gary hugs up to Miranda, he is shaking. She gets him a seat.

MIRANDA: My husband the hero!

INT: MIRANDA'S KITCHEN

Back to present. She's holding a banana.

MIRANDA: A banana? He tried to rob us using a banana! Unbelievable really isn't it! Soon the police came and carted him. Gary has since been hassled by the media.

She picks up the paper again, and starts to read the article.

MIRANDA: It is of course a husband's duty to protect his family but for Gary Preston this promise became his reality. Yesterday Mr Preston was faced with a situation every husband fears.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: It's all made to sound very dramatic isn't it!?

She starts to read the article again.

MIRANDA: A hooded man entered a shop owned by Mr. Preston's wife and demanded that she emptied the contents of the till. Mr Preston who was unknown to the thief appeared from another room and hit the man over the head with a coffee machine. A colleague of Mrs Preston recalled the incident as "Traumatic." The police have released the following statement, "Thanks to the bravery of Mr Preston we have been able to capture a man, aged 22, he is now in custody on charges of attempted armed robbery.

Gary walks into the kitchen.

GARY: You're not reading that article again are you?

MIRANDA: It's not everyday that your husband saves your life!

GARY: Come on, put it down! Are you ready?

MIRANDA: I am, what do you think?

She stands and twirls.

GARY: Beautiful. Shall we go?

Gary takes her hands and they walks out to the car.

INT A SWISH RESTAURANT.

Gary and Miranda are sat at a table.

MIRANDA: Well this is nice isn't?

GARY: Oh look there's Stevie.

Stevie and a mystery man enter the restaurant. The gentleman is just a bit taller than Stevie, has blonde hair which is swept into a Mohawk style and has bright blue eyes.

MIRANDA: Oh hello Stevie. Fancy seeing you here!

STEVIE: You knew I was going to be here, I told you earlier.

MIRANDA: So who's your friend?

STEVIE: Miranda, Gary, this is Andrew.

Miranda and Gary stand to shake his hand.

ANDREW: Very nice to meet you both.

Stevie walks off to find a waiter.

ANDREW: Do you work with Stevie?

Stevie returns with a waiter. They are put at the table just across form Miranda and Gary.

MIRANDA: How rude! I'm her best friend, why wouldn't she tell him about me?

GARY: She obviously has her reasons.

MIRANDA: And what does that mean?

GARY: Nothing, it doesn't matter. Lets just order.

MIRANDA: Are you trying to insinuate that Stevie is embarrassed by me, because if you are that hurts! That really hurts!

GARY: Can you keep your voice down please? People are looking!

MIRANDA: Why? Am I embarrassing you too?

Miranda stands up and knocks a tray out of a waiters hand. Hot soup is poured down her blouse. Stevie hides Andrew's face using the menu.

GARY: Shall we go home?

Miranda just nods her head. As they exit, they are stopped by an old couple.

OLD MAN: You're that man who stopped the robber, aren't you?

GARY: Well yes, yes I am.

MIRANDA: And I am his wife, who urgently needs to go home and get changed. Goodbye.

She pulls Gary out of the door.

Scene Ends.


	6. Birthday

INT MIRANDA'S BEDROOM

She is sat at her dressing table, she is getting ready to go out.

MIRANDA: Hello! Have you all recovered from the restaurant barcarole? Yes? Good! It was so embarrassing, I thought I'd left that 'Embarrassing Me' in the past. Obviously not. Oh well, in fact you have joined me on a very special day, it's my birthday! You would have thought Gary and I would have learnt our lesson, but no, here I am getting ready to go out for a romantic meal. He's taking me to a brand new restaurant, so say we are the first ever customers. Intriguing don't you think?

Miranda puts some perfume on.

MIRANDA: This stuff is truly beautiful. A present form Gary.

She puts some on and starts to choke.

MIRANDA: No really! It's lovely!

A knock comes at the door, then Gary's voice echoes through the door.

GARY: Mrs Preston? Are you ready?

Miranda jumps up and opens the door. Gary offers her, his arm and they walk down to the car.

GARY: Can I ask you to do one thing?

MIRANDA: Anything!

GARY: Will you put this blindfold on?

Miranda looks to the camera, she looks very confused.

GARY: Hear me out! I want you to wear this so the secret I have is kept until the last minute! Trust me?

Miranda takes the blindfold from him and puts it on.

MIRANDA: The things I do for you!

Gary walks around the car and is about to get in when he realises.

MIRANDA: Gary? Are you still there?

Gary runs back around the car and helps her in.

GARY: Just testing you!

Gary shuts the door and looks to the camera.

GARY: Phew! That was close!

Gary gets in and the car drives off.

INT: IN THE CAR.

GARY: Now remember, best behaviour!

Miranda salutes.

MIRANDA: Yes sir!

After 10 minutes the car pulls up, Gary helps Miranda out of the car. It is very dark, he leads her up a gravel path.

MIRANDA: Where are we?

Gary positions Miranda, then backs off.

GARY: Take the blindfold off.

He steps on a button which switches on some fairy lights, they are in their garden.

MIRANDA: But this is...

GARY: Our garden. With a few adjustments of course!

MIRANDA: Gary! It's beautiful!

Miranda kisses him, Gary leads her onto the terrace. Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Are you jealous? No? Well you should be!

They sit at the table. Gary pours some wine.

GARY: Are you ready for the starters?

Miranda nods. Gary walks into the house. Miranda signals for the camera to come closer.

MIRANDA: Who would have thought, little old me, finally happy? I have wonderful husband, beautiful home, a successful business. My life is perfect. Also, I will let you into a little secret, I haven't told anyone yet! I, my chums, am with child! Okay, calm down! Yes I know it's exciting but please refrain from jumping on the sofa! Which means I cannot drink this!

She throws the wine into a bush.

MIRANDA: I'm so scared! Help! How do I tell him?

Gary comes back out.

GARY: Tell who, what?

MIRANDA: Tell you that I love you and that all this is perfect! I couldn't ask for more!

GARY: Anything for you!

They tuck into their starters.

MIRANDA: How have you whipped all this up?

GARY: I have my own little helpers! Paid some of the staff overtime to help out!

Gary pours more wine. Miranda looks to the camera and mouths "Help!"

GARY: Are you finished? Main should be done by now.

MIRANDA: It was lovely, thank you.

Gary walks back into the house, Miranda again throws her wine into the bush. Gary comes back out with a roast dinner. They tuck in.

GARY: I've been thinking, maybe you're right. What we have is perfect, why change it?

MIRANDA: Sorry?

GARY: The baby thing! I know you've had your doubts.

Miranda looks to the camera.

GARY: A baby would change everything, are we ready for that change?

Miranda looks at the camera again.

GARY: Are you okay?

MIRANDA: Yes of course. Do we have dessert?

GARY: Silly question. Be right back.

Gary takes the plates back into the house, Miranda grabs the camera.

MIRANDA: What do I do? Someone help! Do you think he really means it? What if he's only saying that because he thinks that's what I want, but then why would he say it if it wasn't what he wanted? Gary doesn't mince his words, he is always honest! Oh my, i'm really flapping now! I don't know what to do!

Gary comes back out with an apple pie.

GARY: Are you okay? You look a bit flushed?

MIRANDA: Do you really mean it? You're happy how things are?

GARY: Yes, yes I think I am.

Miranda looks to the camera.

Scene ends.


	7. Ireland

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP

Miranda is stood by the doorway to the side room, everything in the shop is back to front.

MIRANDA: Don't worry you're not going mad, nor have you stepped into a parallel universe! Can you remember way back to the start... Go on, your memories not that bad. Surely not? Okay, I will enlighten! It was always Stevie's wish to take the franchise global, well this year we did! No sorry! I'm sorry, that is a lie. We haven't gone global but we have opened two more shops. One up in Wick, which Tilly and Charlie run, then there's this one. Stevie and I run it with the help of Alison.

Alison walks in.

MIRANDA: Talk of the devil!

ALISON: (Glum) Hello lovely!

MIRANDA: You're not due in today, what's up?

ALISON: I get so bored at home with Chris being at work and the boys being at school!

MIRANDA: Have no fear! I have a game that will cheer you up! Do you like chocolate? I know silly question!

Miranda takes Alison's hand and takes her over to the counter, there is a massive marble run set up.

MIRANDA: Here we have it!

Miranda walks to the top of the stairs in order to reach the top.

MIRANDA: Put your mouth at the bottom

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: If you pardon the ...

She mouths "Sorry"

MIRANDA: Alison, are you ready?

ALISON: Yes!

MIRANDA: And here we go!

Alison steadies herself. Miranda picks up a bag of Maltesers off of the stairs She puts one down the chute. The camera follows it down the run, when it gets down to the bottom Alison catches it in her mouth.

MIRANDA: My turn!

Miranda and Alison swap places.

Miranda: Ready!

Alison drops a malteser down the chute. Camera follows. Gary walks in just as Miranda catches it in her mouth.

GARY: This looks like fun!

Gary makes Miranda jump and she starts to choke. Gary runs over to her and starts to hit her on the back, suddenly the malteser flies out and across the room.

MIRANDA: Sorry everyone, that's not what you want to see! A malteser flying at you like a saliva covered missile.

GARY: I was going to have a go but I think I will pass.

Alison walks down the stairs and is about to exit.

MIRANDA: Alison, wait, would you like to watch the shop today?

ALISON: Sure! It will stop me from going insane at home!

GARY: What about if we also pick the boys up later? Give you and Chris a moment to yourselves?

ALISON: Oh guys that would be brilliant!

GARY: We'll bring them back around seven?

ALISON: Thank you! You're gems!

Miranda and Gary walk out of the shop and up the street hand in hand.

GRY: Good news, I've had some more bookings. 2 weddings, an anniversary party and a christening.

MIRANDA: Oh Gary that's amazing. When? Where?

GARY: They're over in Ireland, all four events are the same family.

MIRANDA: Ireland? Wow! How long will you be gone for?

GARY: Two weeks.

MIRANDA: Two weeks?

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Two weeks?

GARY: I fly over tomorrow. I have to find a restaurant that will let me borrow their kitchen. Then the first wedding is on Saturday, the christening on Sunday, the anniversary party is on the following Friday then the final wedding is on the Saturday.

MIRANDA: So you are going to be busy then?

GARY: I am, a few of the guys will be coming to help but it will be tough!

MIRANDA: What am I going to do for two weeks without you!

GARY: Why don't you come with me? It could be our belated honeymoon.

MIRANDA: What do you mean? We had a honeymoon!

GARY: A weekend at The Hamilton Lodge is not a honeymoon!

MIRANDA: We had fun didn't we? Other things happened!

Miranda winks at the camera.

MIRANDA: It was a honeymoon.

Gary rolls his eyes.

GARY: Okay, it can be our second honeymoon.

They get to a car park and walk up to Gary's van, on the side is a big cartoon picture of Gary with the slogan, "Preston's" with the tagline "Hey Presto-n!" Miranda starts to laugh.

GARY: Excuse me, what are you laughing at?

MIRANDA: Nothing, nothing. it looks great.

Miranda looks to the camera and sniggers.

MIRANDA: I thought you were going for "Preston's Patisserie?"

GARY: I didn't think that suited the business and I thought the tagline "Hey Presto-n!" had a nice ring to it!

Miranda is trying not to laugh.

MIRANDA: No Gary, it's a great name!

GARY: Go on say it!

MIRANDA: Don't you think it's a bit camp?

Gary looks shocked.

MIRANDA: When I hear it, I imagine it being said in a high pitched voice.

Miranda puts on a high pitch voice.

MIRANDA: Hello, you are through to Gary at Preston's, Hey Presto-n, how can I help?

Gary playfully hits her.

GARY: Well I like it!

MIRANDA: About Ireland, I can't, who will look after the shops? I can't expect Stevie and Alison to take on all of my shifts. No, you go Gary. Enjoy. I'll be here waiting for you when you get back.

GARY: Are you sure?

MIRANDA: Of course, I'm sure.

Gary kisses her.

GARY: Exciting times ahead.

Miranda holds her stomach.

MIRANDA: There certainly are!

Gary gets into the van.

GARY: I will meet you at the school at three.

He drives off. Miranda addresses the camera.

MIRANDA: Yes, I know what you're thinking, why haven't I told him yet?

She hops on a bus.

MIRANDA: I know he has a right to know that am I carrying his child.

A man turns around and points to himself.

MIRANDA: No not you sure!

Miranda pulls a face at the camera.

MIRANDA: No, I know I need to tell him and i will. I'm just not sure when. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow. Maybe then, when I know all the facts I can tell him.

Miranda looks worried.

MIRANDA: Oh no, but he'll be in Ireland. This isn't something I can tell him over the phone, is it!


	8. I'm Going To Tell Him

EXT: Miranda and Gary are stood outside a school. Suddenly Miranda is tapped on the shoulder. She turns around and is welcomed by Amanda Barnes.

AMANDA: Mary? Mary Richards!

Miranda looks to Gary.

MIRANDA: Oh hello! Amanda?

Amanda nods.

MIRANDA: You remember my husband...

Miranda pauses, she forgot what Gary's fake name was.

GARY: Joseph.

Gary shakes her hand.

AMANDA: It's been a while.

MIRANDA: Hasn't it.

AMANDA: Are you here to pick up your boys?

Miranda and Gary look to each and frantically try to work out how old their fake children would be.

MIRANDA: No, not our boys.

AMANDA: Oh.

MIRANDA: Yes, well...

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: What do I do?

Gary interrupts.

GARY: No Cliff is 13 and Richard is 11. Both at secondary school now.

MIRANDA: Yeah, that works, okay then.

The children start to run out of the school. Noah and Joshua run up to them. Miranda and Gary usher the two children out to the car.

MIRANDA: Must dash, it was lovely to see you again.

Amanda waves them off.

NOAH: Are we coming to yours?

MIRANDA: We were thinking of going to the park, what do you think!

NOAH/JOSHUA: YES!

The car drives off.

EXT: In a park. Joshua, Noah and Gary are playing football. Miranda is sat on the bench eating a banana. She addresses the camera.

MIRANDA: This is my third one, but thing is I don't even like bananas! Must be a craving! Oh my, that is a weird feeling. Drum roll please. I've come to the decision that I am going to tell Gary about the baby tonight. I hope spending time with Josh and Noah will sway him.

The football comes over next to Miranda. Noah comes to get it.

NOAH: Will you play?

MIRANDA: I'm not very good tiny one, I'm sure you'd do a better job without me.

NOAH: Come on!

Miranda gets up and follows Noah.

GARY: Oh Josh, we have competition!

The four of them start to play. Noah runs past Joshua and Gary and scores. He runs back to Miranda who high fives him. Gary then picks him up!

GARY: Go Josh, quick! Score!

Joshua runs up the pitch, and tries to score but Miranda blocks the shot.

NOAH: Ha Ha!

Gary is stunned.

MIRANDA: You didn't expect that now did you!

They carry on playing football. A few moments later Miranda noticed the time.

MIRANDA: Guys, it's five o'clock, we best be getting something to eat.

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S KITCHEN

Gary is cooking at the stove. Miranda, Joshua and Noah are playing UNO at the table.

MIRANDA: Sorry Josh, but pick up two!

Joshua smiles cheekily.

JOSHUA: Actually, Noah pick up four!

NOAH: Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah! Pick up six!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Well that back fired!

Miranda picks up six chocolates from the bowl in front of her.

NOAH: No silly, pick up six cards!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Worth a try.

She picks up six cards. Joshua puts down nther card.

JOSHUA: Sorry Noah, pick up 4.

Noah smiles.

NOAH: Sorry! Pick up eight!

MIRANDA: Now this is just bullying!

Noah starts laughing.

Gary brings over two plates of food. Then sits down at the table.

GARY: What were you playing?

MIRANDA/NOAH/JOSHUA: UNO!

GARY: You'll have to show me one day!

Noah and Joshua tuck into their food. Miranda stands up and walks behind, Gary. Gary kisses her hand.

GARY: Do you want anything to eat?

He picks up the saucepan which is full of chilli. He is about to pour some into a bowl.

MIRANDA: No need, a fork will do.

Gary hands her the saucepan and and fork.

He sits down at the other end of the table.

MIRANDA: Do you not want any Gary?

GARY: No, No i'm fine.

Gary sits there watching the three of them eat.

GARY: Nice?

MIRANDA/NOAH/JOSHUA: Very nice.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: I'm going to tell him.

She stands up.

MIRANDA: Gary, can I have a word?

GARY: Of course, what is it?

Miranda pulls Gary into the living room.

GARY: Are you okay?

MIRANDA: I am but I need to speak to you.

GARY: Sounds ominous.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Here goes.

Miranda gets Gary to sit down.

GARY: Miranda, you are scaring me!

Miranda sits next to him but pauses.

GARY: Miranda, just spit it out!

MIRANDA: Gary.

Miranda pauses once more.

MIRANDA: I think I might be pregnant.

Gary gets up and walks back into the kitchen. You hear him talking to the boys. Miranda cuddles up to a pillow.

GARY: How's the food boys?

NOAH: It's lovely.

GARY: Well you better eat up, I need to get you home!

A tear forms in Miranda's eye.

MIRANDA: It seems chums, that my worse fears have come true.

INT: IN THE CAR

Gary is taking the boys home.

JOSHUA: Are you okay?

GARY: Of course I am, why eould you say that?

NOAH: You look sad.

GARY: I'm sad that are fun has to come to an end.

NOAH: There's always tomorrow!

Gary laughs.

GARY: Yes, there's always tomorrow. Now boys, I've got to go away for a while. Promise me you'll look after Auntie Miranda.

JOSHUA/NOAH: We promise.

NOAH: Where are you going?

GARY: I have to go to Ireland.

NOAH: Will you be coming back?

GARY: Of course I will.

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM.

Miranda is curled up asleep on the sofa. Gary comes in and covers her with a blanket. Then walks out to up to their bedroom. He stops and looks back.

GARY: I'm going to be a dad.

Scene Ends.


	9. He's Gone

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM.

Miranda is still asleep on the sofa. It is early morning. Gary comes in and places a envelope next to her. He kisses her forehead and walks out of the room, picking up a suitcase and carrying on our of the front door. The door slams. Miranda wakes

MIRANDA: Oh no! Gary!

She jumps up, causing the letter to fall under the coffee table. She runs to the door but Gary's van has already pulled off.

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP  
>Stevie and Andrew are sat behind the counter. They are looking through a holiday brochure. Miranda walks in wearing a Where's Wally onesie.<p>

STEVIE: Oh no!

ANDREW: What?

STEVIE: A onesie in the workplace, something is wrong!

Miranda lollops towards the counter.

STEVIE: Are you okay Big one?

Stevie runs around the counter.

ANDREW: I'll get us all a cup of tea, tea makes everything better!

Andrew disappears into the back.

MIRANDA: Gary's gone!

STEVIE: uh, what now please?

MIRANDA: Gary's gone. I woke up this morning and he's gone!

STEVIE: But where?

MIRANDA: He's Ireland!

STEVIE: Ireland?

MIRANDA: Yeah he has a few events on over there!

Stevie slaps Miranda on the arm.

STEVIE: I thought you meant that he had "left you" left you!

Miranda sits on the bottom step of the stairs, Steve joins her. Andrew comes out with a tray, it has three cups of tea, biscuits, slices of cake and Jaffa cakes.

ANDREW: Thought that some tidbits were needed as well as the cuppa!

MIRANDA: Oh I like you! You can stay!

Andrew gives Miranda the massive tea cup and allows her to choose something from the tray.

MIRANDA: But no, getting away from the point! I think he might have left for good! I told him something last night and he walked out.

STEVIE: What was it?

MIRANDA: It doesn't matter!

STEVIE: Are you sure? You look as if you have the world resting on your shoulders!

MIRANDA: If that were the case my squire, I'm sure I would be more like your size, don't you think?

Stevie jumps up and walks off towards Andrew who is back behind the counter.

ANDREW: What about here?

MIRANDA: Planning your escape are we?

STEVIE: Being nosey are we?

Miranda gets up and starts to sulk around the shop. She picks up a toy gun. It has sucker-darts in it. She starts to hum the James Bond Theme tune. She hides behind one of the displays and pokes her head around. Stevie and Andrew are sat laughing and giggling. Miranda aims the gun and shoots.

MIRANDA: I have killed someone!

Miranda looks to the camera and laughs. The camera swivels round to reveal Stevie, she has one of the darts stuck to her forehead.

MIRANDA: Oh Stevie, I am sorry!

Miranda looks to the camera again.

MIRANDA: I'm not!

Penny walks in.

PENNY: Hi Stevie, how are you?

Miranda jumps out from behind the display holding up the gun.

MIRANDA: Stick 'em up!

Penny screams and throws her handbag at Miranda.

PENNY: Take it! Please just don't hurt me!

MIRANDA: Mum! It's me!

PENNY: OH Miranda! Will you grow up! You will send me to an early grave!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Well.

Penny walks up to the counter, she turns towards Miranda and signals here to come closer.

PENNY: (Mouthing the words) Who's that?

MIRANDA: (Mouthing the words) Stevie's boyfriend!

PENNY: (Whispering) Sorry?

MIRANDA: (Shouting) Stevie's boyfriend!

Stevie and Andrew look towards Miranda and Penny, who wave back at them!

PENNY: Right Miranda, calling in on a favour! You and Gary must come to the tennis do tonight, your father is refusing.

MIRANDA: I'm afraid Gary's not here at the moment!

Miranda walks towards the side room.

PENNY: Well, where is he?

Miranda goes into the side room.

STEVIE: Gary is in Ireland for an event, something has happened but she won't talk about it.

The three of them huddle together and start talking. Miranda comes back out, she tries to get their attention then looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: I could say anything, they'd be none the wiser!

She stands in the middle of the room.

MIRANDA: I am running away the circus!

The three are still huddled together.

MIRANDA: I have joined a convent!

Still no movement.

MIRANDA: I AM WITH CHILD!

They all look around

STEVIE: What did you just say?

Penny faints.

STEVIE: Is that why Gary left?

Miranda retreats to the bean bag below her!

STEVIE: Come on Miranda! Pull yourself together!

Stevie pulls her up.

MIRANDA: I'm sorry!

STEVIE: Is that why Gary left?

MIRANDA: I told him last night, he just got up, took the boys back to Chris and Alison, then either didn't come home or went straight away this morning!

STEVIE: Maybe his flight was earlier than he thought?

MIRANDA: What am I going to do?

STEVIE: Have you tried ringing him?

MIRANDA: Straight to voicemail.

STEVIE: He wouldn't just leave!

ANDREW: Um sorry to interrupt, but are you going to do anything about the person on the floor? penny jumps up.

MIRANDA: Hand us that water!Andrew passes Miranda a cup of water which she then throws on Penny's head.

PENNY: I'm going to be a grandma! FINALLY!

She runs up to Miranda.

PENNY: Your father is going to be thrilled!

Penny walks out of the shop.

MIRANDA: I'm going home!

STEVIE: Are you you don't want to stay here with us tonight?

MIRANDA: No, I'll be fine! I just want my own bed!

Miranda exits.

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM

Miranda is led on the sofa tucked up in a blanket watching Bridget Jones Diary. Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: I'm pretty sure this film is actually based upon my life!

The doorbell rings.

MIRANDA: Who is it?

Stevie pops her head around the door.

STEVIE: It's me! I didn't want you to be on your own! I come bearing gifts!

Stevie comes into the living room with a bag of goodies.

STEVIE: Have you heard from him?

MIRANDA: Not a dot!

Stevie takes her coat off and sits on the floor by the sofa. She lays all of the treats on the coffee table and spots the letter that Gary left.

STEVIE: What's this?

She gives it to Miranda.

MIRANDA: I don't know, thats Gary hand writing!

STEVIE: Open it!

MIRANDA: I don't think I can!

STEVIE: Miranda you need to!

Miranda sits up and rips open the letter.

STEVIE: What does it say?

Miranda looks at Stevie with a shocked expression.

STEVIE: What is it?

Scene Ends.


	10. At The Doctors

INT: A DOCTOR'S SURGERY

The doctors is full of mums and their babies. Miranda pops her head around the corner.

MIRANDA: Psst, over here!

Camera moves towards her.

MIRANDA: Hello! I'm so sorry to have left you on such a cliff hanger, it was very cruel of me wasn't it!? Worry thee not everything will be revealed soon! Just as soon as I get this over and done with. It doesn't take a genius to tell where I am. I'm so very scared! I didn't think I'd have to do this alone, actually if I am truly honest I never thought I'd be doing this full stop. I asked Stevie to come but she has to watch the shop, poor Alison isn't yet able to cut herself in two! Then I daren't ask Mum, could you imagine! No, no. This is something I will have to face alone! This is life changing! I am going to walk in as the Miranda you all know and love but I will most definitely come out a different person.

A midwife comes out.

MIDWIFE: Mrs Preston?

Miranda stands up, and walks towards her, dodging all of the children. They walk into a room, there is a ultrasound machine.

MIDWIFE: Good morning, I am Helen. I will be your midwife for the duration of your pregnancy. How are you doing?

MIRANDA: A tad scared.

MIDWIFE: I know it's hard, but try not to worry. All we are going to do today is have a chat to establish dates and how far into your pregnancy you are.

INT: DOCTOR'S SURGERY RECEPTION.

Gary runs in.

GARY: My wife had an appointment at 11 o'clock, Mrs Preston?

RECEPTIONIST: Just through there.

Gary walks up to the door and knocks. Camera goes to an inside shot of the door.

MIDWIFE: Come in!

Gary's head pops around the door. Miranda isn't in the room.

MIDWIFE: Can I help?

GARY: I'm looking for my wife, I was told she was in here?

Miranda walks in from the bathroom.

MIRANDA: Gary?

GARY: You didn't think I was going to miss this did you?

Miranda lays on the bed, Gary sits in the chair next to her.

MIDWIFE: So Miranda, from all the information you have given me and after all of the examinations, I am pleased to say you are about 13 weeks.

MIRANDA: 13 weeks?

MIDWIFE: Which means we can book you in for your first ultrasound, whilst I go and check I'm going to fit this heart monitor on. Don't worry, nothing is wrong, it's just routine, but it will mean that you get to hear it's heartbeat.

Miranda and Gary hold hands as the the midwife attaches the machine.

MIDWIFE: It may take a while to find the heartbeat so please don't panic.

The midwife places it on Miranda's stomach and instantly you hear a heartbeat.

MIDWIFE a: Oh no, there it is! A lovely strong heartbeat. So if you just wait here, I will be back.

The midwife exits.

MIRANDA: I'm so glad you are here!

GARY: I wouldn't have missed this for the world. Did you not get my note?

MIRANDA: I did, but, "I love you and I will be back" didn't really help me.

GARY: Sorry I was in a rush, I've been to Ireland and back. I found a restaurant and briefed Jed on the customers wishes. He and the team are going to crack on without me.

MIRANDA: Is this really happening?

GARY: It is! It seems as though we are going to be parents!

They sit and listen to the heartbeat, still holding hands. The midwife comes back in, with an ultrasound machine.

MIDWIFE: It seems as though the next patient has cancelled so we can do the ultrasound now.

Miranda and Gary look to each other and smile. The midwife takes off the heart monitor.

MIDWIFE: This jelly will be cold.

The midwife spreads the jelly across her stomach.

MIDWIFE: Are we ready?

MIRANDA: As ready as we'll ever be!

The midwife rolls the machine next to Miranda and starts the scan. Suddenly images come up on the scan. Miranda and Gary start to tear up.

MIDWIFE: Here we are. One little baby.

GARY: Our little baby.

INT: Miranda's Shop.

Stevie is stood at the side of the counter, she is doing a fitness routine. Reach for the stars sounds. Stevie stretches up, then left, right then down. Suddenly Miranda runs in.

STEVIE: How did it go?

Miranda gives her the scan photos.

MIRANDA: I am going to be a mummy!

Stevie runs up to her and hugs her tightly.

STEVIE: Miranda this is amazing! I'm so pleased for you! Have you been able to get hold of Gary?

Gary walks in, he walks up to the counter where Miranda and Stevie are stood.

GARY: Don't you think it looks like me?

Miranda hits him playfully. Penny walks in.

PENNY: Hello you two.

GARY: Good Morning, Grandma!

Miranda gives Penny the scan photos. Penny hugs Miranda.

STEVIE: Details please big one?

MIRANDA: I'm twelve weeks, baby is done fine, growing well.

GARY: We've been advised on healthy lifestyles.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Yay!

PENNY: Can I have one of these?

MIRANDA: Of course you can.

PENNY: Then I can shove it in Belinda's smug face!

MIRANDA: Now remember mum, this is not a weapon to win you points, this is a baby, our baby. Your grandchild.

Penny kisses Miranda and exits.

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S LIVING ROOM.

Gary, Miranda, Stevie and Andrew are sat around eating an Indian takeaway.

MIRANDA: This will be my last ever takeaway, from tomorrow I will eat only healthy foods!

Everyone starts laughing.

MIRANDA: And what are you laughing at?

STEVIE: You, eating healthy? That'll be the day!

MIRANDA: I will prove you wrong! You just watch!

They shake hands.

STEVIE: You're on!

They tuck into their food.

Scene Ends.


	11. An Excuse to be Lazy!

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S BEDROOM

Miranda is tucked up in bed, she is surrounded by hot water bottles. Next to her bed on the bedside table is a tray, it has several empty bowls on it.

MIRANDA: Oh hello! I'm so glad to see you! This week has been the worst week of my life! Firstly Gary had to go back to Ireland and secondly, not only do I seem to be suffering with the worst morning sickness of all time, I now have a lodger!

In walks Penny holding a board.

PENNY: Miranda darling!?

Miranda looks to the camera and mouths the words "Kill me!"

PENNY: When are you going to start decorating the nursery?

She turns the board around to reveal a mood board.

PENNY: I have so many ideas. Are you going to find out what sex the baby is?

MIRANDA: Mum, please, I cannot think about it now! Its something Gary and I will talk about when he gets back! For now all I can think of is trying to keep down the chicken soup I gulped down earlier.

PENNY: Come on Miranda, its only morning sickness. When I was pregnant with you I didn't just mope around. You need to get up, get things sorted. You'll feel better for it, I promise. Why don't we go shopping for some baby clothes?

MIRANDA: Again that is something that I shall be doing with Gary, mum you promised. I said you could stay as long as you didn't interfere.

PENNY: But this is my only grandchild. I want to be involved.

MIRANDA: And you will be, but please. There are things that Gary and I need to do together. There will be times where I need you but for the time being just leave it.

PENNY: Oh okay.

Penny walks out.

MIRANDA: Too harsh?

Miranda gets up.

MIRANDA: Maybe she's right, moping isn't helping. I need to get up and do something! Mum?

Penny runs back in.

PENNY: Yes?

MIRANDA: We're you waiting outside the room?

PENNY: No, of course not.

Miranda sits at the end of the bed, Penny joins her.

MIRANDA: I'm sorry, I shouldn't have spoke to you like that. I know times are tough, maybe a little shop would be nice? Let me have a shower and then we'll pop out somewhere?

Penny jumps up and walks over to the bedside cabinet and picks up the tray.

PENNY: No wonder you are finding it difficult to keep the soup down. You weren't meant to eat it all today! Gary left that for the week. A bowl a day he said!

MIRANDA: The baby was hungry!

PENNY: Don't play that card missy! You're just using this pregnancy as a chance to be both greedy and lazy! I can see right through you!

Miranda walks into the en-suite, Penny exits.

INT: IN A BABY SHOP.

Miranda and Penny are stood by the baby clothes.

MIRANDA: They're all so small.

She picks up an all in one romper suit. It is a very tiny size

PENNY: I very much doubt you will need that size. If this little one follows you, you will need...

Penny picks up one that is double the size.

MIRANDA: Rude!

They walk on round, Miranda spots something.

MIRANDA: Now I will have to buy this!

She holds up a white teddy bear romper suit.

MIRANDA: I wonder if they have it in adult sizes!

Penny shoots Miranda a look.

MIRANDA: I was jooking of course!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: I wasn't!

Miranda places the romper suit into the basket, Penny stops, gives the basket to Miranda and fiddles in her pocket.

PENNY: I wrote a list of the things you need.

Penny gets a piece of paper out of her handbag, she unrolls it and it touches the floor.

MIRANDA: Are you serious?

PENNY: It could have been longer, but then what would people buy you for your baby shower!?

MIRANDA: No mum please, Gary and I have said we don't want a baby shower.

Penny walks off.

PENNY: Such fun! Such fun!

MIRANDA: Knew this was a bad idea!

Miranda joins Penny who is now in front of the cots.

PENNY: Oh Miranda, look! Please will you let me buy you the crib! It could be my contribution!

MIRANDA: The crib is something I and Gary definitely have to agree on, but this one is rather special!

Miranda's phone starts to go. She answers.

MIRANDA: Hello you! (BEAT) Nothing much, just in the baby shop with mum. (BEAT) Don't worry, I'm only getting the boring stuff! (BEAT) Are you missing me? (BEAT) I know, but its only a few days! Then we can come back together and get the rest!

Penny is stood pointing to the crib.

MIRANDA: Mum has offered to be us what ever crib we want. (BEAT) There is an absolutely beautiful one here, and there's no way we could afford it really. (BEAT) Yeah I do. (BEAT) Well its a light coloured oak, the sides are rounded and the ends are bowed down wards. (BEAT) I know I'm not describing it very well. (BEAT) Are you sure? (BEAT) I will, what I'll do is send you a picture later. (BEAT) Love you too!

Miranda puts the phone done. Penny is waiting for a reply.

MIRANDA: He said, if I like it then to get it!

Penny starts clapping excitedly and runs off to find a shop worker.

MIRANDA: Well wish me luck!

Scene ends.


	12. Bean

INT: MIRANDA'S SPARE ROOM.

The room is full of plastic bags which contain baby things.

MIRANDA: Mum wasn't joking when she said babies needed a lot of stuff! It isn't even born yet and it already has more stuff than I do. What is a baby going to do with all this stuff! At first all it will do is cry and poo!

She rummages through a bag, she pulls out a magazine.

MIRANDA: Gary will be home today and he wants to go straight back to the shop to buy the rest, do we really need to do it all so quickly? I'm only thirteen weeks, we have ...

Miranda tries to add up in her head.

MIRANDA: Many weeks to wait! Why rush? Although it is totes adorable that Gary is so involved. He wants to come to every appointment, every antenatal class, everything. He's being so supportive. Before he went back to Ireland he cooked loads of scrummy but healthy foods for me to eat, so I don't even have to lift a finger, only to of course press the button on the microwave, but if I play my cards right I don't even have to do that!

Penny walks in with plate. It is spaghetti bolognese.

PENNY: Did you want a piece of bread to go with it?

MIRANDA: Oh yes please!

Penny exits.

MIRANDA: See! Being waited on hand and foot!

You hear the front door open, Penny says hello to someone, then there are footsteps up the stairs. Miranda is half way through slurping up a piece of spaghetti. Gary walks into the room, she finishes eating the spaghetti and it slaps her in the face leaving sauce all around her face.

GARY: Honey I'm home!

MIRANDA: Yes, I can see!

Gary kneels down and kisses her.

GARY: So what have we got and what do we still need to get?

MIRANDA: Straight to it then?

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: No, oh I've missed you or how have you been? Just straight to it!

GARY: Looks like you've bought the whole shop Miranda!

MIRANDA: Oh no, but mum would have if she'd had her own way! I just stuck to the small essentials. We have enough nappies to equip a small baby army. She has a whole wardrobe full of clothes. More than me to be honest.

Gary interrupts.

GARY: She?

MIRANDA: Just a hunch, and I was getting tired of saying "It"

Miranda has finished eating so stands up. Penny enters.

PENNY: Miranda, did you eat it or inhale it? I take it you don't want the bread then?

Miranda takes the bread from Penny's grasp and starts to eat it. Penny picks up the tray and exits. Gary hugs Miranda.

GARY: How have you been?

MIRANDA: Yeah I've been fine, mum's been bearable! I think she misses Dad but when I went to see him, he doesn't seem to be budging.

EXT: PENNY AND CHARLES' HOUSE. (FLASHBACK)

Miranda is sat on the veranda of the house, just off shot you can see part of a hot tub.

MIRANDA: Come on dad, she's miserable without you. I know she's hard work, but isn't she worth it? You've been married for so long, don't just give up now.

Miranda covers her eyes.

MIRANDA: TOWEL DAD!

Miranda throws a towel towards the camera.

INT: THE SPARE ROOM

Back to present. Miranda and Gary are still hugging.

MIRANDA: It was horrible, I expected him to be an emotional wreck but he was far from it.

Gary backs off.

GARY: Champagne and strawberries in a Hot tub at half ten in the morning. That shouts out breakdown to me! Once we have finished Mission: New Addition, shall we begin Mission: Reconciliation!

MIRANDA: Are we ready for all of this Gary?

GARY: Well no, no we're not, but its happening now so we better get used to the idea sharp-ish!

MIRANDA: Put so lovely!

GARY: Well what can I say?

He kisses her.

GARY: You are going to be a brilliant mummy! End of. Stop worrying!

He hugs her again.

GARY: Right, are we ready?

EXT: OUTSIDE THE BABY SHOP.

Miranda and Gary are walking towards the shop. Miranda keeps spotting something in the corner of her eye.

MIRANDA: I think someone is following us! Gary!

They walk on, Miranda still sees "someone" out of the corner of her eye.

MIRANDA: Someone is most definitely following us! Gary!

GARY: Hey! What are you doing? We haven't got anything worth stealing.

Gary walks towards the back of the car, there's no one there.

GARY: There's no one there! Come on!

They walk across the road to the front of the shop. Gary takes Miranda's hand and they enter the shop. It is like walking into a massive warehouse, full to the brim of baby stuff.

GARY: Where do we start?

Miranda gives Gary the list her mother put together for her. Gary drags her to the cribs.

GARY: Show me, which one is our crib then?

Miranda points to the crib she and her mother bought the day before.

GARY: So all the furniture needs to be this light oak colour?

Are we going to find out whether your hunch is correct? Or shall we keep it a surprise?

MIRANDA: You choose!

Miranda spots something in the corner of her eye again.

MIRANDA: Come out! Now!

Stevie pops up behind the display.

MIRANDA: Stevie?

STEVIE: Oh hello, fancy seeing you here!

MIRANDA: What a coincidence! Anyone would think you'd been following us!

STEVIE: Me? Nooo!

GARY: What do you need from a baby shop?

STEVIE: I was going into the pet shop next door, but saw you two and wanted to come and help!

Stevie hugs Miranda.

STEVIE: So what are you on? Do you have the cot? The wardrobe? Oh, what about a changing unit?

GARY: Well done Stevie, that wasn't on our list!

Miranda stands back from Gary and Stevie, it seems to be getting too much for her. She walks off Gary and Stevie don't realise. Camera follows Miranda.

MIRANDA: Its like I'm not here! I wonder how long it will be until they realise I am gone.

Miranda walks around the corner and stumbles across the rocking chairs.

MIRANDA: These look comfortable.

She sits in one.

MIRANDA:Oh this is heaven! It really is! Oh I could fall asleep.

Camera goes back to Gary and Stevie.

GARY: I think we should have it green!

STEVIE: No I think it should be something different, like.. Um.. Orange!

GARY: Miranda tell her she's being silly!

They turn around to find Miranda isn't there.

GARY: Miranda?

Gary goes in search for her.

GARY: Miranda?

He finds her asleep on the rocking chair. He goes up to her, tapping her on the shoulder.

GARY: Can we tick off the Rocking chair?

MIRANDA: Sorry, I had to sit down. It was all getting a bit too much!

GARY: Do you want to go home?

MIRANDA: No its okay! We're here now!

Miranda gets up, Gary helps her down.

GARY: I think we should leave your hunch as just that, it will be nice to have a surprise and from now on, it is what ever you want! Just tell me. Why don't we, whenever we refer to the baby, say "Bean"?

MIRANDA: Okay, well the list says we need a Moses basket. Its so we can have "Bean" in our room until we are ready to put them into the crib.

GARY: Stevie went to look at them, I think they're over here!

The two walk off hand in hand. They find Stevie, who has a big trolley.

STEVIE: I can be your personal trolley pusher!

MIRANDA: I think there's a joke there somewhere, but I'm just too tired!

GARY: Any of these take your fancy?

Miranda walks up and down the aisle.

MIRANDA: I think that one! The bedding mum and I chose yesterday would look beyond cute in it!

GARY: Do you have an accent colour in mind?

MIRANDA: Now most people would go for yellow or green but I'm not like most people! I think we should go for a very light orange!

Stevie pokes her tongue out at Gary.

GARY: Orange it is?

MIRANDA: Only because the bedding I chose yesterday had giraffes on, I think a giraffe theme would be cute, Bean's first teddy could be a giraffe!

STEVIE: What like this one?

Stevie picks up a giraffe plush toy, it is very soft tones of beige and orange. It has a long tail and is very soft to touch. Stevie puts it into the trolley. They carry on around the shop. The camera backs up, revealing the whole shop floor, time passes through quickly.

EXT: AT GARY'S VAN

They are trying to get everything into the car, Stevie is ticking things off of the list as they put things in the car.

STEVIE: Moses basket. Tick. Bouncer. Tick. Swing chair. Tick.

MIRANDA: Please can someone tell me the difference between a bouncer chair and a swing chair

STEVIE: Its in the name, the one bounces, the other swings! Drr!

MIRANDA: Oh how stupid of me! Gary did we really need both?

Gary just keeps putting the stuff into the car.

STEVIE: Door Swing. Tick. Changing unit. Tick. Wardrobe. Tick. Nursing chair. Tick. Sterilising set. Tick.

MIRANDA: Finally everything.

STEVIE: Out of the first trolley yes! On to the second!

Miranda leans against the car with her arms crossed as Gary starts to pack the stuff away again.

STEVIE: Bathing stand. Tick. Highchair. Tick. Potty. Tick.

MIRANDA: A potty? Who put a potty in? Why on earth do we need a potty so soon?

GARY: Can't hurt being ready can it!?

MIRANDA: Its not like Bean is going to be born and within weeks show interest in potty training!

Gary and Stevie ignore her and carry on.

STEVIE: Pram. Tick.

MIRANDA: Oh Stevie! Can you take that to yours?

GARY: Why?

MIRANDA: Its seen as bad luck to have the pram in the house before the baby is born! I'm not taking any chances!

Gary takes the pram box back out.

STEVIE: That's all of it!

GARY: I will bring this to your car for you if you want.

Gary sheepishly closes the door on the van. It just about closes. Gary and Stevie walks off, Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Well that was fun! Ha! I think we may have to remortgage the cottage in order to pay for all this! Next is the battle of putting it all together! Wish us luck!


	13. The Nursery

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM.

Miranda is sat on the sofa with her feet up, reading a magazine.

MIRANDA: Hello! So its been many weeks since Gary and I went shopping for the items needed for our nursery. Five weeks in total have past, I am now 18 weeks pregnant. Two weeks until our second scan, on which I am told we can learn whether the baby is a girl or boy! Gary and I haven't decided whether we want to find out or not. Everything we have bought is off a unisex colour. So it doesn't really matter. As long as its healthy!

Miranda puts the magazine down.

MIRANDA: So, previously in my life, Stevie and I got into a little debate over names.

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP.

Stevie and Miranda are sat looking through a book of baby names.

STEVIE: I don't know why you need this book, my name is perfect for both girl and boy!

MIRANDA: I am not naming my child Stevie!

STEVIE: And why not?

MIRANDA: If I call my child Stevie, every time I say their name I will envisage you! No, that's not what I want!

Stevie sulks. Miranda rips the book from her hand but she steals it back.

STEVIE: Okay then, girls names first. What about Gertrude?

MIRANDA: Seriously?

STEVIE: Iris?

MIRANDA: Stevie, all these names just make me think of people you'd find in a care home. No offence. I want something modern, like Sapphire, oo what about Ruby!?

STEVIE: Sapphire? Ruby? Its a child not a jewel.

MIRANDA: Well she'll be my precious little jewel. That way it would be by name and nature!

Miranda looks to the camera and winks!

STEVIE: Boy's names?

MIRANDA: I was thinking, Barney.

Stevie starts to laugh. Miranda hits her with a cushion.

MIRANDA: What's wrong with that?

STEVIE: A big purple dinosaur comes to mind!

Miranda hits her once again with a cushion.

MIRANDA: It means strong.

STEVIE: He's a purple dinosaur, of course he's strong!

Miranda pushes Stevie off of the stool.

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM

Miranda is asleep, she wakes suddenly.

MIRANDA: The whole name thing is very stressful! I think our best option is to wait until we have the little bean in our arms and see what he or she looks like!

You hear hammering and then Gary shout.

MIRANDA: He's putting all of the furniture together today! Finally! Its not been very plain sailing, I can tell you that!

INT: THE NURSERY. (FLASHBACK)

Miranda and Gary are stood in the middle of the room in overalls. Miranda's bump is a good size now. Behind them is a table with wallpaper rolled out. Then on the floor is two trays of paint.

GARY: Ready?

MIRANDA: Ready!

Gary walks backwards and stands straight in the paint. The tray flies up and covers Gary's back in paint. Miranda turns to the camera her face is covered in paint.

MIRANDA: Well that's a good start!

GARY: Its lucky we put this plastic down!

MIRANDA: Isn't it just! Anyone would have thought we would have predicted something like this was going to happen!

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM

Back to present. Miranda is now led on the sofa.

MIRANDA: Oh my that was a stressful day! The next day was no better!

INT: THE NURSERY (FLASHBACK)

Miranda is walking up the stairs, she walks into the nursery where Gary is wallpapering. Unfortunately the paper is on upside down.

GARY: What do you think?

Miranda bends down and looks up at the wall.

MIRANDA: Looks perfect!

GARY: What are you doing?

MIRANDA: Do you really not see? Take a really close look!

Gary realises.

GARY: OH MAN!

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM.

Miranda is rubbing her ankles.

MIRANDA: Bless him, it took him another four hours to peel it all off, but now I can proudly say we have a beautifully decorated nursery! Just need the furniture to go with it!

Again you hear hammering and Gary shout.

MIRANDA: I have been banned from entering but from what I can hear, I will take a punt at saying that its not going very well! Why don't you go and take a peek? Report back to me later on? Don't worry, I'll be fine, Gary whipped up some cookies this morning, he knew they'd keep me occupied. Do you want one?

Miranda picks up a basket of cookies.

MIRANDA: Too bad, they're mine! I have no idea what is in them, Gary said he swapped the sugar with a natural alternative meaning they're more healthy! They are very scrummy!

She starts to eat them.

MIRANDA: Run along now then!

The camera moves out of the living room and up the stairs. You again hear hammering and then Gary shouting again. The camera tries to enter then room but Gary comes out and shuts the door.

GARY: I know what you are trying to do and its not going to work! You will see it when its all finished! Which at first I though was most likely going to be after Bean is born, because things, I admit didn't get off to a good start, but yesterday the room was all finished, and today I have locked myself away putting everything together. Give me another twenty minutes and you can see for yourself! Go and tell my darling wife that will you!

The camera goes back downstairs, into the living room.

MIRANDA: What did you find out? (BEAT) Well you're useless aren't you! Twenty minutes? This is exciting! Twenty minutes, a quick snooze is in order.

Miranda nestles down.

GARY: Miranda? Are you ready?

Miranda wakes, and jumps up. Accidentally hitting Gary in the face.

MIRANDA: Oh I'm so sorry! Let me have a look at you.

GARY: It'll be fine. Let's go and see!

Miranda and Gary run upstairs. Gary stops outside the room.

GARY: Are you ready?

MIRANDA: I am!

GARY: I really hope you like it!

MIRANDA: I really hope you'll let me see it soon!

Gary gets out of the way, Miranda walks in.

MIRANDA: Gary! Its gorgeous!

Scene Ends.


	14. What a shock!

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP  
>Miranda and Stevie are sat at the counter, in walks Penny.<p>

PENNY: Good Morning Sweetheart!

Miranda looks to Stevie then looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: What do you want?

PENNY: Who says I want anything?

MIRANDA: You're very cheery, that normally means you either want something or have (BEAT) Oh no, what have you done?

PENNY: I haven't done anything! Can't a mother be happy to see her daughter?

Miranda looks to the camera once again, she looks suspicious.

PENNY: I've just come from the hospital, they're discharging your father tonight.

STEVIE: Oh no, what's happened?

PENNY: The silly man has managed to tear all the muscles in (BEAT) (Penny mouths the words) Crotch area.

STEVIE: Say no more!

Penny starts to laugh.

MIRANDA: Mum, it's not funny!

Penny stops laughing.

MIRANDA: See what happened was, he was getting out of the hot tub when he slipped.

Penny starts laughing again.

PENNY: He did the splits!

MIRANDA: It really isn't funny. I found him sprawled out on the decking. He'd been there for two hours. I couldn't get him up, so I had to call an ambulance.

Penny is still laughing, Miranda picks up a fluffy toys and shoves it into Penny's mouth.

MIRANDA: So does this mean you are being summons back home to care for the patient?

Miranda crosses her fingers.

PENNY: Yes. Your father has admitted defeat and caved. Tonight I shall sleep in my own bed, for the first time in a month.

Miranda celebrates by doing a small victory dance. Penny stands behind her.

PENNY: Well don't look too disappointed!

Miranda hugs her.

MIRANDA: Oh mum, I am devastated! I truly am, but if you insist. Dad's needs are far more important than mine.

Penny goes into the side room.

STEVIE: Oh Miranda, I forgot to show you! I have some new stock!

Stevie goes into the store cupboard.

STEVIE: Drum roll please!

STEVIE: Now I saw these on a stall down at the market. I've never seen anything like them before.

Miranda is still doing the drum roll.

STEVIE: They're all hand designed and printed in a local shop.

Miranda stops the drum roll.

MIRANDA: Just get on with it will you!

STEVIE: Being impatient are we?

Stevie dives into the box and takes out a T-Shirt.

MIRANDA: You've never seen one of these before? Stevie it's a T-Shirt!

STEVIE: Hold on my friend!

Stevie turns the T-Shirt around, it had the slogan "Baby on Board" printed on the front. She gets gets more out, "Under Construction!" Another one says "Bun in the Oven"

MIRANDA: How wonderful! How many have you bought?

STEVIE: There are five designs in this collection, so bought fifty of each and at a snip of £10 each!

Miranda does the Maths in her head.

MIRANDA: That's two and a half thousand pound.

STEVIE: I know it seems a lot of money.

MIRANDA: No Stevie, it is a lot of money, a lot of my money.

STEVIE: Hear me out. If we sell them at £15 we will make a healthy one thousand, seven hundred and fifty pounds.

Miranda starts smiling.

MIRANDA: Well that is your challenge my pretty amigo! If you can sell all of these for that profit, I will share the profit with you!

STEVIE: I accept this challenge!

They converse in their comical handshake. Stevie goes back into the store cupboard and retrieves another box.

STEVIE: I had these ones made especially for you!

Stevie gives her the box, she starts to take the T-Shirts out, the first one reads "I'm not pregnant, just greedy!

MIRANDA: Are the others as offensive?

She gets another out, it reads "Exit Here" with an arrow pointing down wards.

MIRANDA: A little bit inappropriate!

The next one says "Mind the Bump!" in the classic "Mind the Gap!" style.

MIRANDA: Love it.

She's about to take out the fourth when Gary walks in.

GARY: Are you ready?

MIRANDA: Just let me change my top.

Miranda disappears into the side room, Penny comes out.

GARY: How's Charles?

Penny just starts laughing and exits the shop. Miranda comes back in wearing a coat.

MIRANDA: See you later, and don't forget to sell sell sell!

Miranda and Gary exit. Stevie starts to put the T-Shirts onto a rail.

INT: Hospital Waiting Room.

Miranda and Gary are sat waiting. Miranda is very nervous, Gary holds her hand.

GARY: Hey, come on, it will be fine!

MIRANDA: I'm just worried that something is going to be wrong with the baby!

A midwife comes out of the door on their left.

MIDWIFE: Mrs Preston?

Miranda and Gary stand up and enter the room. Miranda lies on the bed.

MIDWIFE: So you're here for your 20 week scan?

MIRANDA: We certainly are.

MIDWIFE: You seem a tad nervous, I promise you that there is nothing to worry about. It is the same as your first scan, but it will be a tad longer as we'll be checking for any abnormalities or complications.

Miranda takes Gary's hand.

GARY: Don't worry, everything will be fine!

Miranda stands back up and takes her coat off, the T-Shirt underneath reads "It's His" with an arrow pointing to the right, unfortunately Gary is stood to her left. Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Well that backfired!

Miranda lies back on the bed and rolls up her T-Shirt to reveal her belly, it is rather big now. The midwife squirts the gel onto Miranda's tummy. Miranda flinches.

MIRANDA: It's colder than I remembered!

The midwife starts the scan, there is silence for a short while as the midwife inputs data into the computer. Gary and Miranda are memorized by the pictures on the screen.

MIDWIFE: Wait there one second, I just need to get a colleague.

Midwife exits.

MIRANDA: I told you there was something wrong, I'm so sorry, it's all my fault!

GARY: There's nothing wrong, even if there was it's not your fault!

MIRANDA: But it is, I haven't been sticking to your healthy diet. I have a hidden stash of chocolate and crisps. I eat them at every chance.

GARY: Oh Miranda, don't be silly!

The midwife comes back in with another Midwife, they carry on with the scan.

MIDWIFE 1: There, is that?

MIDWIFE 2: Yes, I believe it is.

MIRANDA: What? What is it!

MIDWIFE 1: It looks like you are having twins!

GARY: Twins? Two? Two Babies?

Miranda looks to the camera, she's smiling but also looks surprised.

MIDWIFE 1: That explains why your tummy is a little bigger than we expect.

Miranda looks to the camera again.

MIRANDA: Yes, that explains it!

GARY: Are you sure? Like 100% sure!?

The Midwife pulls the screen around.

MIDWIFE 1: There's no doubting it, you are having twins! Would you like to know the sexes?

Miranda and Gary look to each other.

GARY: Do you?

MIRANDA: Do you?

One Midwife exits, the other continues to input some data into the computer.

GARY: I am happy either way!

MIRANDA: No, we don't. I think it will be better kept as a surprise!

MIDWIFE: Okay. No problem, it will be in your notes, but we will make sure everyone knows that you would rather not know. It does mean that if you change your mind all you have to do is ask! Are you sure?

Miranda and Gary look to each other.

MIRANDA/GARY: We're sure!

The midwife wipes away the gel, and signals to say that Miranda can get up. Gary helps her off of the bed, he is now on her right hand side. She points to her T-Shirt and then to Gary.

MIRANDA: See! Funny!

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP

Miranda and Gary walk in, Stevie is nowhere to be seen.

MIRANDA: Where is she?

She pops up from behind the counter. Miranda and Gary jump.

STEVIE: I'm here!

MIRANDA: Can you not? I've had enough shocks to last a lifetime!

STEVIE: Shock? What Shock?

GARY: We're having twins!

Stevie faints, Miranda walks around the counter and pulls Stevie back up, she slaps her gently on the cheek, Stevie wakes.

STEVIE: Well, if its two, you have no excuse!

MIRANDA: No excuses?

STEVIE: To name one of them Stevie!

MIRANDA/GARY: We are not naming any of our children STEVIE!

Stevie sulks.

MIRANDA: Anyway, we came here to invite you to a little get together we are having tomorrow. At mum and dad's, will you and Andrew join us?

STEVIE: Of course, we'd be delighted. What time?

MIRANDA: Around 7.

Gary winks at Stevie as the pair exit.

STEVIE: Twins ay? Who'd have thought?

SCENE ENDS


	15. Surprise!

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S HALLWAY

Gary is stood by the front door, looking at his watch.

GARY: Miranda? Are you ready?

Miranda runs to the top of the stairs, she is still in her dressing gown.

MIRANDA: Nearly ready! Won't be a sec!

She runs off. Gary sits on the shoe rack below him, leaning on the coats behind him. He starts to tap his foot in frustration. He is still waiting 30 minutes later! He has fallen asleep, and is now hidden within the coats. Miranda comes downstairs and takes her coat off of the coat stand.

MIRANDA: Gary?

Gary pops out from behind the coats giving Miranda the fright of her life.

MIRANDA: Jeez Gary! Don't want to send me into early labour, do you?

GARY: I didn't mean to scare you! I feel asleep!

MIRANDA: Well, if you're ready, shall we go? We're going to be late!

Miranda exits.

GARY: (Mumbling) But I was ready half an hour ago!

MIRANDA: Come on Gary, do hurry!

Gary follows. He switches the light off and shuts the door.

EXT: OUTSIDE PENNY AND CHARLES' HOUSE

Miranda and Gary pull up, all the lights are out at the house.

MIRANDA: What's going on? Where are they? Do you think they've forgotten?

GARY: We rang them not an hour ago, I know they're getting on, but doubt they would forget in that short space of time. They're probably out back! You've got your key haven't you?

They walk up to the front door, Miranda fiddles in her handbag for the keys.

GARY: Have you got them?

MIRANDA: I'm not sure I do!

She continues to search, Gary bends down to help, Miranda's arm flies up hits him in the face. His nose starts to bleed.

MIRANDA: Oh my goodness, Gary I'm so sorry!

Miranda fusses over him and then tries to find a tissue.

GARY: Sweetie, can you just open the door?

MIRANDA: Oh okay, yes, of course!

Miranda unlocks the door and switches on the light. Suddenly a large group of people jump out.

GROUP: SURPRISE!

Miranda jumps, accidentally hitting Gary in the face once again.

MIRANDA: Oh my, I'm so sorry!

She tries to help him.

GARY: Don't worry, just leave it!

He sits on the bench next to the front door, blood still dripping from his nose.

MIRANDA: Hellllooo everyone! Don't mind us! Mingle! Talk amongst yourselves!

Stevie comes up to Gary and hands him a roll of tissue paper. Penny then leads him upstairs.

STEVIE: What happened to being here at seven?

MIRANDA: What happened to no Baby shower?

STEVIE: Well don't look at me, it was all Gary's idea!

MIRANDA: Was it? Really? Gary did all of this?

STEVIE: Swooning over Gary are we?

Miranda pushes Stevie out of the way and heads towards the living room. Where she finds Tilly and Charlie.

MIRANDA: Tilly! Charlie!

They all hug.

TILLY: Hello Kong! Carrying some extra luggage are we?

MIRANDA: I sure am! So come on tell me, how are things with you two?

They sit on the sofa. In runs a little girl. She is three years old. Small dainty thing. White blonde hair, dark brown eyes.

MIRANDA: Why look at you haven't you grown?

OPHELIA: I don't like your dress!

Tilly pulls Ophelia onto her lap.

TILLY: Fifi, don't be so rude!

Miranda leans down and whispers.

MIRANDA: Don't worry Fifi, neither do I, but it's the only thing that will fit me at the moment!

OPHELIA: Are you having a baby?

MIRANDA: No, No, why would you say that?

Ophelia points to Miranda's stomach.

MIRANDA: Oh that, no that's the result of too much chocolate and sweets!

Charlie brings over a bowl of Haribo.

CHARLIE: Want a sweet Fifi?

Ophelia runs off.

CHARLIE: What did I say?

MIRANDA: So, how's the shop?

TILLY: It's going well, you'll have to come up and take a look!

MIRANDA: It's okay, I trust you guys! And the weekly updates you send are brilliant!

Miranda gets out her phone.

MIRANDA: This week we have sold 100 novelty pens, 300 Fancy dress costumes! I'm fine not knowing exactly what you are selling my dear! Just a summary will do!

TILLY: Just being thorough Kongers!

MIRANDA: Very thorough, but honestly, a short summary will be enough.

Tilly sarcastically salutes, Miranda walks over to the buffet. She starts piling food onto her plate. Gary walks in, in one Charles's shirts, it is rather big on him.

MIRANDA: What are you wearing?

Miranda starts laughing.

GARY: I have had to borrow a shirt of your father's, mine is covered in blood.

MIRANDA: Can't believe you've done all of this! It's wonderful.

GARY: Well I know you said you didn't want a party, but I couldn't help myself.

MIRANDA: No I am glad you ignored me!

GARY: Well if you would like to follow me into the games room, we have a few games set up.

Everyone walks into the games room, there are numerous of games set out.

MIRANDA: Well someone has been busy!

GARY: Where shall we start?

Everyone sits in a circle. Tilly hands out ice cubes to everyone.

STEVIE: What are these now please?

TILLY: You have to put them in your mouth and first one to free the little plastic baby wins!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: A bit random!

TILLY: But fun!

Tilly sits down.

TILLY: Everyone ready? 1, 2, 3, GO!

Everyone puts the ice cubes in their mouths. Miranda instantly shouts.

MIRANDA: I win!

Everyone else sighs.

MIRANDA: What do I win?

TILLY: Nothing, just the joy of winning.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: What sort of prize is that?

INT: PENNY AND CHARLES' LIVING

Miranda and Gary are sat in front of everyone surrounded in presents. People are starting to leave.

MIRANDA: Before everyone goes, we would just like to say thank you to everyone for coming tonight and for all of the presents! They will most definitely come in handy.

GARY: Some of you know this, but Miranda and I are actually having twins!

TILLY: Twins? Two baby Kongs?

MIRANDA: We found out yesterday! It hasn't quite sunk in yet!

Penny walks over to Miranda.

PENNY: I'm going to have two Grandchildren? Two?

MIRANDA: Yes! Two! A little girl and a little boy!

STEVIE: I thought you weren't going to find out!?

GARY: We went straight back to the doctors, we couldn't resist!

PENNY: A boy and a girl! Oh darling I'm so happy!

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S BEDROOM.

The couple are led in bed, Gary is holding the scan photo.

GARY: Who'd have thought ay?

MIRANDA: Who'd have thought what?

GARY: That, 20 years after we first met we would be married and about to have twins!

MIRANDA: Well it's all that I've ever wanted! From that first ever time I saw you! I knew that I wanted to be with you!

GARY: Really?

MIRANDA: I did, can you remember when we first met?

GARY: Can I? Of course I can! You spilt hot coffee all over me!

INT:A UNIVERSITY LECTURE ROOM. (FLASHBACK)

There is a room full of students. Miranda walks in, and starts walking up the stairs. She drops a notepad. Gary is sat in a chair next to where the notepad lands. Miranda spins around, trying to find where it had gone. Gary picks it up, Miranda gets dizzy and trips up the step and pours the coffee she's holding over Gary's lap. He jumps up and Miranda hits him in the crotch as she gets up.

GARY: Hello!

MIRANDA: I'm so sorry!

GARY: It's okay, don't worry. I'm Gary and you are?

MIRANDA: Miranda, nice to meet you.

Gary shakes her hand.

GARY: Do you need a seat?

MIRANDA: I do! Thanks.

Miranda sits next to Gary.

GARY: A few of us are going to the pub tonight, there's a quiz, want to tag along? Could do with another person!

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S BEDROOM.

Back to present. Gary has a picture of the quiz team. It is Stevie, Clive, Tilly and the two of them.

MIRANDA: You would never had won if it wasn't for me!

GARY: Um excuse me, I got a lot of those questions right.

MIRANDA: Of course.

Miranda stops and takes Gary's hand. She places it on her stomach.

MIRANDA: Can you feel that?

GARY: Yes, yes I can. We've got a little kicker there!

MIRANDA: We sure do!

GARY: I'm so happy. I love you Miranda.

SCENE ENDS.


	16. Antenatal

INT: THE RESTAURANT - Miranda is sat at the bar with a bowl of fruit. Yes fruit! The restaurant is jam packed. Gary comes out of the kitchen, he looks very stressed. Miranda smiles at him, hoping to cheer him up.

GARY: Do we have to go tonight?

Miranda hands him a glass, of what he thinks is vodka.

GARY: I mean are we really going to be missed if we don't go?

He downs the drink, and pulls a confused face when it turns out to be just water.

MIRANDA: Stevie is my best friend, no, our best friend! Of course we have to go! Its her engagement party! We can't not go!

GARY: Okay, I'm sorry. Its just I feel so run down all the time, I just want to spend some time with you! We won't have much time when these little ones make an appearance!

He leans over and kisses Miranda.

GARY: Today has been such a busy day, I have to work until 1 then at half one I have ...

Miranda interrupts.

MIRANDA: We have our antenatal class!

GARY: Today? Antenatal class, today?

MIRANDA: Yes, today!

GARY: But I can't, I have a client meeting! You don't need me to come to every single one do you?

MIRANDA: What happened to being a team?

GARY: We are a team, come on Miranda! This meeting is with a bloke who runs a string of festivals, if I play my cards right, we could have many more opportunities to advertise the business!

Gary gets out a book from under the counter. He opens it up to reveal a sketch of a van.

GARY: This is my new venture! Gary's, on wheels! All the fine food of a restaurant but out of the back of a van!

MIRANDA: Brilliant!

Gary takes Miranda's hand.

GARY: I'm just trying to create a stable income, so I can spend more time with the three of you! Once I get this up and running, Nick has said he would like to manage it, just think of the profits!

MIRANDA: It all sounds wonderful Gary, but at this time in my life I cannot think of anything else but these two babies.

Gary walks around the bar and takes both of Miranda's hands.

GARY: I know, why don't you ask Stevie?

Miranda breaks her hands from Gary's. Gary walks back around the counter.

MIRANDA: I suppose I could.

He leans over, kisses her on the cheek then goes into kitchen. Stevie walks in.

MIRANDA: Oh hello, just the person!

Miranda gets off of the stool, her bump is extremely big now, she almost bumps into Stevie.

STEVIE: Watch out! Wide load coming through!

Miranda looks to camera.

MIRANDA: Rude!

They sit at the table, because of her bump she is sat quite a way from the table.

MIRANDA: I often forget how big this bump actually is! I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other night! Frightening! It looks as though I have swallowed a beach ball!

STEVIE: You're pregnant with twins, its not going to be small now is it?

MIRANDA: Point taken. Anyway! Are you free at half one today?

STEVIE: I am. Why'd you ask?

MIRANDA: Would you like to accompany me to my antenatal class? Gary has a client meeting, I don't really want to go on my own!

STEVIE: Stevie to the rescue! It would be my honour! I will do anything at the moment! Will the builders be long?

MIRANDA: They think they'll be done by Tuueessday innit!

STEVIE: Who knew a burst pipe could be so much fun!

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP (FLASHBACK) - A small stream of water is trickling down the stairs when suddenly Stevie appears at the top in a dingy.

MIRANDA: (From afar) 1,2,3 GO!

The dingy is pushed and it flies down the stairs, when it hits the bottom Stevie goes flying, landing on her head.

INT: THE RESTAURANT - Back to present. Stevie is rubbing her head.

STEVIE: It still hurts! Feel! There's a lump!

Stevie moves urging Miranda to touch her head.

MIRANDA: I'm not touching your head, that's just weird!

STEVIE: But I could have a brain tumour!

Miranda stamps on Stevie's foot.

STEVIE: What was that for?

MIRANDA: It made you forget about your head didn't it?

STEVIE: Well yeah for a moment! Now my head and foot hurts!

MIRANDA: Oh do stop complaining! Try being pregnant with twins! If I don't have heart burn then I have indigestion! I constantly have one or both babies pressing on my bladder. My ankles now represent tree stumps! I can't sleep! I feel nauseous! I have restless legs.

Stevie shouts out.

MIRANDA: See! Shall I go on?

STEVIE: No you're fine I get the point!

Gary comes out of the kitchen. Stevie jumps up.

GARY: I'm off, would you like a lift?

Miranda signals for Stevie to help her up, Stevie struggles so Gary comes over to help. Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Well this is embarrassing!

Once she is on her feet the three of them exit.

INT: ANTENATAL CLASS - Miranda is sat on a birthing ball, Stevie is led next to her on a sort of yoga mat.

MIRANDA: This is weird, I don't know anyone here! They're all new! The midwife changed my class, this is a class for people having twins!

Stevie is led down with her eyes closed and is nodding her head.

MIRANDA: Stevie! Are you listening?

Stevie nods.

MIRANDA: Now this is what I'm on about! Here I am pregnant, and you just lie there ignoring me! Come on! Get up! Sit up!

Miranda pulls her up.

MIRANDA: You are meant to be her to support me! To be here for me! I am the one carrying these babies!

A lady enters.

WENDY: Good afternoon everyone! My name is Wendy and I will be leading the next few classes! How is everyone?

MIRANDA: (Sarcastically) Just fabulous!

WENDY: So today we are going to expire the partners role within labour! As all of you are pregnant with two bundles of joy...

MIRANDA: (Whispering to Stevie) Bundles of joy? She's never carried twins!

Wendy appears behind them, making Miranda and Stevie jump.

WENDY: No, you're right, I haven't! I have carried triplets though!

She walks back to the front of class.

WENDY: As I was saying, because you are all carrying twins you will most probably not reach full term. For twins 37 weeks is considered full term.

MIRANDA: But Stevie! 37 weeks? That's just under a month! I am 34 weeks tomorrow! Oh Stevie I'm not ready!

Wendy puts on a DVD, it projects onto the screen behind her.

WENDY: This short clip will show you exactly what happens in labour, partners I want you to think of ways you could calm them throughout!

The DVD starts, the camera goes to a wide shot of the room. You can hear screaming. Miranda and Stevie cover each others eyes.

MIRANDA: I can't do it! Stevie you do it!

STEVIE: Do what?

Miranda points to her stomach.

MIRANDA: I can't have these babies, you'll have to do it for me!

STEVIE: I'm afraid big one, that, that's impossible!

Wendy shh's them.

MIRANDA: (Whispering) Sorry!

She looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: (Whispering) Sorry!

Everyone in the class turn and shh's her.

MIRANDA: I was just saying sorry!

The clip ends!

MIRANDA: I seriously can't do this!

Stevie takes her hand.

STEVIE: You can, and to be frank, Anne Frank, you have no choice! These babies need to come out one way or another!Whether you like it or not!

WENDY: Do you have any questions about what you just saw?

WOMAN: What are the odds of us all having natural births?

WENDY: Well it all depends on the circumstances. When they decide to make their appearance. What positions they are in. Normally 60% of all twins are born by C-section.

MIRANDA: Can we opt for a C-Sec? I will do whatever I can to bypass everything we've just seen!

WENDY: What's your birth plan?

MIRANDA: Drugs. Lots of drugs

WENDY: Okay, but your birth plan? Is it a natural delivery, birthing pool?

STEVIE: Natural.

WENDY: No difficulties through the pregnancy?

STEVIE: No, she's surprised me. She's been like a duck to water!

WENDY: Okay then, well on the day if it is safe, the hospital staff will continue with the natural birth, but if in any way they feel the need a C-Sec will be opted for instead. Sometimes be that the first child is born naturally, but the second fails to engage meaning a C-Sec is required.

MIRANDA: So you're saying I might have to go through both?

WENDY: That might be the case yes!

Miranda puts her head in her hands.

WENDY: So, partners. How could you hello through the labour period?

She looks around the room for answers. Stevie's hand shoots up.

WENDY: Yes lady at the back.

STEVIE: Back rubs?

WENDY: Brilliant! In established labour it may feel as though you have a hand pressed on the bottom of your back, a back massage would relieve the pain for a short while.

MIRANDA: How did you know that?

STEVIE: Its here in the leaflet, I thought you could take it back for Gary!

Stevie waves the leaflet in Miranda's face.

WENDY: Anymore?

Stevie waves her hand again.

STEVIE: Always speak in a soft tone and try to stay positive. Don't lose your temper, they don't mean what they say they are in a lot of pain!

WENDY: You're an expert! Looks like you're in capable hands there Miranda!

The class continues for a further twenty minutes. Once the class is over there is a chance for everyone to mingle. Miranda and Stevie are approached by Arabella and Larissa, a lesbian couple.

ARABELLA: Always nice to meet new people in the same situation as ourselves, how far gone are you?

MIRANDA: 34 Weeks tomorrow and you?

ARABELLA: 36 weeks.

Arabella's bump is hardly recognisable.

MIRANDA: But you're hardly showing!

ARABELLA: Its our third set of twins, my body is used to it now. This is our 6th and 7th baby.

Stevie and Miranda's eyes widen in shock.

LARISSA: How many do you have?

Stevie nudges Miranda who is still in shock.

STEVIE: These are the the first two.

MIRANDA: Sorry did you say that you have seven children?

ARABELLA: Tuppence and Kail, will take our brood upto seven yes!

LARISSA: Then in thirty weeks this little one will take us up to eight!

STEVIE: You're pregnant as well?

MIRANDA: Well of course, why not!?

LARRISA: Now I couldn't let her have all of the fun now could I?

ARABELLA: So tell us about yourselves!?

MIRANDA: Well we met at uni about 20 years ago, been friends ever since!

LARISSA: And when did you become a couple?

STEVIE: What now please?

ARABELLA: You are a couple aren't you?

MIRANDA: Oh no, no, we're not a couple, Stevie's my best friend. Oh no, I'm married, its just that my husband couldn't come today !

STEVIE: So I tagged along for moral support.

LARISSA: Well that's a little embarrassing!

ARABELLA: Yes, well we better be off! Good luck!

They walk off. Miranda and Stevie burst out laughing.

STEVIE: Well its not the first time we've been mistaken for a couple now is it!?

MIRANDA: No but last time we wanted people to think we were a couple. This is different. They saw us and instantly thought "Lesbians"

STEVIE: You should be so lucky!

MIRANDA: And what do you mean by that?

STEVIE: I am a trophy, no, the trophy girlfriend!

MIRANDA: And to scale as well!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Now that was clever!

Stevie exits. Miranda follows.

INT: MIRANDA'S HALLWAY. - Inwards shot of the front door. It is open slightly. Miranda enters.

MIRANDA: Hello? Is someone there?

GARY: (From upstairs) It's only me!

MIRANDA: I thought you had a meeting?

GARY: It didn't take as long as I thought.

MIRANDA: Where's the van?

Miranda hangs up her coat and bag.

GARY: Sold it.

MIRANDA: What do you mean you sold it?

Gary comes to the top of the stairs.

GARY: I sold it to pay for the next catering van. I got the gig!

MIRANDA: Why didn't you come and join me at the class?

GARY: I didn't want to turn up half way through, so thought I'd come back here and get a few things done!

MIRANDA: Today's class was all about how our partners and how they can help us through labour.

GARY: I just stand there and hold your hand don't I?

MIRANDA: No! Much more than that!

GARY: What? What more can a husband do? I can't take the pain away, I can't have the babies for you!

MIRANDA: Oh Gary! Please! Be serious! I need to know I can count on you! Things are going to get tough! Things are going to get a lot harder! I need to know you'll be by my side no matter what!

GARY: Why are you so angry at me? I missed one class.

MIRANDA: Yes, but this class turned out to be the most important one of all! When these babies come, we both need to be prepared. We both need to be ready! I don't feel like you are ready!

GARY: No, no Miranda, I'm not ready! But I will be there for you! I will!

MIRANDA: I brought a leaflet home for you.

GARY: Why are you so angry?

MIRANDA: I sometimes feel as though I'm doing this on my own. You're so obsessed on how the business are doing, it feels that you forget that we're about to have these babies! I'm scared that as soon as it gets tough you will take more jobs, knowing then you won't have to be at home with us!

GARY: Seriously? What do you take me for Miranda? I thought we'd got past your insecure stage?

MIRANDA: Well obviously not!

GARY: I can't talk to you when you're in this mood!

MIRANDA: I'm going to Stevie's part, don't worry about coming! I know you didn't really want to! I'll tell them something came up!

Miranda storms out.

SCENE ENDS.


	17. Sorry!

INT: GARY'S RESTAURANT.

A lot of people are gathered around Stevie and Andrew. Nibbles are being circled. Miranda walks in. She's been crying. Stevie walks up to her.

STEVIE: Have you been crying?

Miranda sits down.

MIRANDA: Don't worry just my hormones!

STEVIE: Where's Gary?

MIRANDA: He's at home, he's not very well!

STEVIE: Have you two fallen out?

Miranda blows her nose.

MIRANDA: It really doesn't matter, this is your night! Let's enjoy it!

Miranda gets up, Andrew pulls Stevie back to the group. Miranda sits at the bar with Penny.

PENNY: Oh hello darling! Oh my, you've been crying! Everything okay?

MIRANDA: Did you and dad ever fall out when you were pregnant with me?

PENNY: Did we? Of course we did! With Hormones all over the place! Everything he did irritated me hugely! Has something happened? Have you and Gary been arguing?

Miranda starts sobbing. Penny doesn't know what to do.

PENNY: I'm fine, honestly, as you said its just hormones! I cannot wait to get these babies out!

PENNY: You won't be saying that when you're pushing them out of your ...

Miranda puts a piece of cake into Penny's mouth. She spits it out. Miranda returns to her "sulking" pose.

PENNY: Come on darling! Couples that argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. Its because they are passionate. It means that things are worth fighting for. You two have wanted this for so long. It means so much to the both of you. Whatever it was, just go home, apologise and make up! Its not worth it! You need each other!

Miranda stands up and kisses Penny. She walks over to Stevie.

MIRANDA: I have to go. I'm sorry!

Miranda walks out.

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S HALLWAY. - Gary is sat at the bottom of the stairs. Miranda comes through the door.

GARY: Before you say anything, I just want to say that I am sorry!

They hug.

MIRANDA: I'm sorry too!

GARY: Can I show you something?

He takes her hand and leads her upstairs. They walk into the nursery. Everything is completely finished. Gary has added all the extra things they needed. There are two cots either side of the alcove, one has orange bedding and giraffes on, the other has green bedding and crocodiles. In the bay window is two nursing chairs. The room is decorated like a zoo. The wardrobe is jam packed with boys and girls clothes. They are two swing chairs, two bouncers, two play gyms. Practically two of everything.

MIRANDA: Was this what you were doing?

GARY: It was! I'm sorry I didn't come to the class. I just wanted to finish this off!

MIRANDA: I'm so sorry!

He takes her hand and they walk to the cribs. Above the one cot it says "Mummy's Special Boy" above the other "Daddy Precious Girl"

GARY: You three are the most important things in my life. Don't ever forget that! I am here, no matter what! I'm going nowhere!

They sit on the nursing chairs, still holding hands.

MIRANDA: I think we're going to see these babies very soon! We need to think of names! We can't keep calling them Bear and Bean for the rest of their lives!

GARY: Do you have anything in mind?

MIRANDA: Not a clue!

GARY: Me neither!

MIRANDA: This is one of the most difficult decisions in the world.

GARY: Whatever we choose, they're the ones who have to live with it!

MIRANDA: Do you like your name?

GARY: Not really.

MIRANDA: What would you prefer?

GARY: I've always seen myself as a Tom.

Gary looks to the camera and smiles.

MIRANDA: Tom Preston? No, no, Tom doesn't suit you at all! I like Gary!

GARY: Do you like being a Miranda?

MIRANDA: I do. Its not a very common name. I've never personally met another Miranda. Although Mum nearly called me Amelia, but plumped for Miranda last minute!

GARY: My mums called Olivia.

MIRANDA: I thought it was Pam?

GARY: That's what everyone calls her.

MIRANDA: Is it her middle name?

GARY: No, she's christened Olivia. Olivia Grace Preston.

MIRANDA: Pam?

GARY: I don't know.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Pam?

They are still holding hands, the moon shines through the window. Miranda yawns.

GARY: I think it might be time to get to bed! Its been a long day!

Miranda yawns again as Gary helps her up from the chair. They switch the light off and go to bed.

INT: THE RESTAURANT - The next day. Stevie and Miranda are getting breakfast.

STEVIE: Its okay, don't worry!

MIRANDA: But I feel so bad!

STEVIE: I understand.

Miranda gets a baby name book out of her bag.

STEVIE: Still struggling with names?

MIRANDA: I never knew it would be so hard!

STEVIE: Well...

Miranda interrupts.

MIRANDA: Don't even think about it!

STEVIE: I have a list!

MIRANDA: Oh okay then, let's hear them!

Stevie clears her throat.

STEVIE: Starting with boys names, Bentley.

MIRANDA: My son is not a car!

STEVIE: Okay, Bramwell?

MIRANDA: Isn't that an apple?

STEVIE: No, you're thinking of a Bramley!

MIRANDA: Yes of course!

STEVIE: Do you like Bramwell?

MIRANDA: NO! Of course not!

STEVIE: Fergus?

MIRANDA: Sounds to much like a mushroom.

STEVIE: Angus?

MIRANDA: I'm not even gonna say what I thought you just said!

STEVIE: Okay, what about Hugo? Ooo, or Ralph?

MIRANDA: Stevie, its a baby, not a brand of clothes!

STEVIE: What about Billie for the girl and Joel for the boy!?

Miranda's eyes light up.

MIRANDA: That's amazing! I love it!

STEVIE: I will be here all day!

Gary walks in.

MIRANDA: I've got them! I've got the names for our children. You may want to sit down.

She sits him down.

MIRANDA: For a girl (BEAT) Billie!

Gary stands up.

GARY: If you're about to say Joel for the boy, you can save your breath!

Miranda sits down.

GARY: We'll get there! We can force it! As soon as we hold them, we'll know!

STEVIE: What about my list of girls names? I have Skye? Willow? What about Bo?

MIRANDA: I think Gary's right! Let's wait until we have them in our arms!

Miranda jerks in pain. Gary bends down.

GARY: Are you okay?

MIRANDA: I'm fine, I think they're having a little party. They know their time is nearly up!

GARY: Are you sure? I don't want to go, and things start yo happen!

MIRANDA: You go. Everything is fine!

Gary kisses her.

GARY: On my mobile if you need me!

Gary exits.

STEVIE: Where's he off to?

MIRANDA: London, to pick up a catering van.

STEVIE: New business venture?

MIRANDA: Something like that!

Miranda gets another twinge.

MIRANDA: They've got their clogs on today.

STEVIE: Are you sure you're okay?

The pains get worse.

STEVIE: I'm taking you to the hospital.

MIRANDA: No I'm fine I promise, just take me home, a nice bath will do the trick.

STEVIE: Okay, but I'm not leaving you!

Stevie helps her up and they exit.

INT: MIRANDA'S LIVING ROOM - She and Stevie are tucked up on the sofa watching The Little Mermaid.

MIRANDA: I told you all I needed was a bath.

Stevie hands her a bowl of sweets, which she drops as she is crippled with pain.

STEVIE: This isn't a drill is it?

MIRANDA: No I don't think so!

Stevie helps her up, they are both in their pyjamas, Stevie fetches the two hospital bags and leads Miranda to the car, she helps Miranda get in then gets in herself.

MIRANDA: I need to get hold of Gary!

Stevie hands her a phone.

MIRANDA: Straight to voicemail!

STEVIE: Just keep trying!

Stevie drives off.

INT: HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - Stevie and Penny are stood around.

STEVIE: Where on earth is he? He's going to miss it all!

INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S HOUSE - Gary walks through the front door.

GARY: Miranda!? Hello? Are you here? My battery ran out! Miranda?

He goes into the kitchen. He plugs his phone in and goes to get a drink. His phone buzzes. He looks at the messages then runs out to the car.

SCENE ENDS.


	18. Where is he?

INT: HOSPITAL CAR PARK. - Gary is trying to find a parking space.

GARY: The sign said 200 free parking spaces, do you see any spaces?

Camera goes to the passenger seat, there is a giraffe and crocodile teddy.

GARY: What's happened to me? I'm talking to teddies!

He spots a space but someone else gets there first. He hits his hands down on the steering wheel in anger!

GARY: (Shouting out of the window) MY WIFE IS IN LABOUR!

Someone shouts back!

STRANGER: Good for you!

Suddenly he spot a space, he speeds over and pulls in. He jumps out and runs towards the hospital but stops and heads back to the car. He opens the front door, leans over and picks up the teddies. He locks the car and runs back towards the hospital. He is stopped by a traffic warden.

TRAFFIC WARDEN: You need to pay and display sir!

GARY: Gimme a break! My wife is in labour and if I don't hurry I will miss the birth of my children!

TRAFFIC WARDEN: I'm sorry sir you need to pay for your parking!

Gary gets a tenner out of his back pocket.

GARY: Here, you get me a ticket and keep the change!

TRAFFIC WARDEN: Its against the rules sir!

Gary changes the tenner for a twenty.

TRAFFIC WARDEN: Good luck sir!

Gary runs off. He runs towards the hospital, he's about to cross when four ambulances race past.

GARY: Seriously?

Finally the ambulances pass and Gary continues her journey to the hospital. He walks up to the reception desk.

GARY: Maternity please?

RECEPTIONIST: Straight ahead, take the lift to the tenth floor!

Gary runs off, he reaches the lift but its out of order. He stops a nurse.

GARY: The stairs? Where are the stairs?

NURSE: Just around the corner.

He runs as fast as he can, the stairs seems to go on for ever. He gets to the fifth floor and stops.

GARY: Man! This is hard work!

He sets off again, he's determined and runs faster. He looks up and he's on the eleventh floor.

GARY: Got a bit carried away!

He runs back down one flight of stairs and runs up to the doors, what he doesn't realise is that for the doors to be opened the staff have to buzz him in. He literally runs straight into them, he headbutts the door and falls to the floor. When he comes to Stevie is stood over him.

STEVIE: You took your time!

Gary jumps up.

GARY: I got here as soon as I could! How is she

STEVIE: Don't worry she's fine! Being brave, waiting for you!

GARY: And the babies?

STEVIE: Not here yet, but hurry, Penny's in there with her!

INT: MIRANDA'S DELIVERY ROOM - Penny is holding Miranda's hand. The midwife hands Miranda the gas and air.

MIRANDA: I'm not doing anything until Gary gets here!

MIDWIFE: You might not have a choice my dear, these babies want out!

MIRANDA: But Gary!? He can't miss this!

INT: HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - Gary is stood outside a delivery room. He is frozen to the spot.

GARY: Its happening! I'm finally going to be a dad!

He runs into the room, but suddenly runs back out.

GARY: Wrong room!

He goes to the next door. Camera goes to an inward shot of the door. Gary runs in.

GARY: I'm here!

He runs over to Miranda, Penny walks out to the other side of the bed.

GARY: I'm so sorry! My battery ran out. I got here as soon as I could.

MIRANDA: It doesn't matter, you're here now!

MIDWIFE: Here he is! He was very eager to meet you!

She hands Miranda a baby, wrapped in a small blue blanket. He's very small, but his long legs dangle from the blanket. He also has a head full of jet black hair.

GARY: Oh ...

Gary faints.

MIRANDA: GARY? Mum, help him will you?

Penny gets a small cup of water and pours it over his face. He jumps up.

GARY: I'm sorry!

MIRANDA: What happened?

GARY: I feel like I've run a marathon, seeing you two was my gold medal!

MIRANDA: You soppy idiot!

MIDWIFE: Now Miranda it seems as though your little girl is not so keen on coming out! You've made it to cosy for her, and now that her brother has been evicted, she really doesn't want to come out!

MIRANDA: Is that bad?

MIDWIFE: We're a little bit worried, her heartbeat drops ever so often. We're going to monitor it for a short while and if she doesn't engage in the next few minutes we will take you for an emergency C-Sec.

GARY: Do what you have to!

A monitor is placed on Miranda's stomach. You can hear the heartbeat it is very slow.

GARY: She'll be fine, you've kept them safe!

Gary kisses Miranda.

MIRANDA: Do you want to hold him?

Miranda hands Gary their son. Gary cradles his head in between his two hands, resting his body along his forearms. His body measures just over half of Gary's arms.

GARY: So we finally get to meet the mysterious Bean! Now is it you that has been kicking your mummy, or are you going to blame it on your sister because she's not here to defend herself?

The heartbeat drops again.

MIDWIFE: Okay Miranda, we're going to take you into theatre, we think its best to get this little one out as soon as possible!

They wheel Miranda out, a nurse takes the baby off of Gary, another nurse hands him some "Scrubs". Stevie enters.

STEVIE: Where are they taking her?

PENNY: Into theatre, they need to get the baby out as soon as possible.

STEVIE: Who's going in with her?

PENNY: I think I should.

STEVIE: No I think I should.

PENNY: I'm her mother!

STEVIE: And I'm her best friend!

Gary comes up behind them. He is wearing the scrubs.

GARY: Neither of you are, I'm her husband and that little girls father, I am going to be with her.

Gary runs off.

STEVIE: Good Luck!

PENNY: Please don't faint again!

STEVIE: He fainted?

PENNY: As soon as he saw the little one, literally just, bang onto the floor!

Penny turns around and is handed the little boy. He has been cleaned up and is in a little crocodile baby grow.

PENNY: What have they put you in? They couldn't have just chosen something traditional, could they!

STEVIE: This is Miranda we're talking about!

PENNY: Hello little one! I'm your Nanna!

STEVIE: And I'm your Auntie Stevie!

Stevie touches his hand, he stretches it out, almost as though he's signalling for a high five. Stevie gently touches her hand against his.

INT: THEATRE - Gary is sat next to Miranda, she is led on a bed, there is a curtain up shielding them from all of the doctors.

MIRANDA: Where's Bean?

GARY: He's with your mum and Stevie! Being spoilt already no doubt!

MIRANDA: Is Bear going to be okay?

GARY: Of course she is! She'll be out in no time!

INT: MIRANDA'S DELIVERY ROOM - Charles is sat in the arm chair, Stevie is about to give him the little one.

PENNY: Now don't you drop him!

CHARLES: Give me more credit than that! I only ever dropped Miranda once!

PENNY: And that might be the answer to everything!

Gary walks up to the door cradling the other baby. She is even smaller. Still long in the legs but really smaller. She too has a head full of jet black hair.

GARY: In here we have your Auntie Stevie, your Nanna, Gramps, and this little one ...

Gary kneels next to Charles.

GARY: Is your older brother!

Penny and Stevie start crying.

PENNY: Look at them! They're perfect!

CHARLES: Well done my boy!

Penny kisses Gary on the forehead.

PENNY: Thank you so much!

GARY: Its not me you have to thank, I didn't do anything. Miranda did it all! She was amazing!

A nurse takes the baby girl. Miranda is wheeled in.

MIDWIFE: So, there's nothing to worry about! Everything went perfectly. You will be a little bit sore and tender once the numbness wears off, but you should be up and around in a couple of days.

The midwife exits, Penny walks over to Miranda.

PENNY: I am so proud of you!

The nurse brings the little girl over to Miranda, she is in a giraffe baby grow. Penny takes the little boy from Charles and lays him next to his sister on Miranda's chest. Their hands stretch out, like they're holding hands.

MIRANDA: Look! They remember each other!

Gary leans over and kisses Miranda.

SCENE ENDS.


	19. They Need Names?

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP - Miranda is sat behind the counter, she's serving a customer. She is still in a little bit of pain from the operation, but is able to move around freely. She looks to the camera. The customer walks out.

MIRANDA: Hello chums! How are you? (BEAT) And back to me! Well, its been two weeks since Bear and Bean made their appearance! They're growing up too quickly! Gary's taken to being a parent so well, I on the other hand have not!

INT: NURSERY (FLASHBACK) - Miranda is changing Bean's nappy. Suddenly there is a fountain of wee. Miranda panics. Doesn't know what to do. She finds the bin and holds it out under the stream of wee. A minute later he stops.

MIRANDA: Have you finished now young sir?

The baby coos.

MIRANDA: Laughing at mummy are we?

Bear joins in.

MIRANDA: Ganging up on mummy are we?

Miranda finishes putting the nappy on, she lifts him off and realises that its on backwards.

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP - Back to present. Miranda is hiding her eyes.

MIRANDA: Embarrassing, I know! Then the little scamp, went and did a number two, so I had to change him all over again! Anyway, I'm here in the shop, doing my duties, as my best friend is currently on her honeymoon! Oh the wedding, you should have been there it was perfect!

INT: INSIDE A CHURCH - The camera is walking down the aisle, at the bottom is Stevie and Andrew. Stevie is wearing a massive puffy ivory dress. To her left is Miranda, in a navy blue dress, not too dissimilar to the one she wore at her own wedding, with a beige shawl over top. Andrew is wearing a navy blue suit with white shirt, navy blue waistcoat and beige tie. Gary is to his right wearing the same. The camera spins around to reveal Miranda is holding "Bear" who is in a beige frilly dress with navy blue shawl, on the dress of course is a giraffe, only a small one. Gary is holding "Bean" he is also in a little navy blue trousers, a white shirt, blue waistcoat but with a bow tie that has crocodiles on.

VICAR: I now pronounce you man and wife!

They kiss, Miranda and Gary throw confetti.

INT: MIRANDA'S SHOP - Back to present. Miranda is looking through photos on her phone.

MIRANDA: They looked perfect! (BEAT) And so did the couple of course!

Gary walks in, pushing a double buggy. The twins are dressed in stripey romper suits, Bear in orange, Bean in green, they each have little hats on Bean a crocodile and yes, you've guessed it, Bear a giraffe. Miranda runs around the counter.

MIRANDA: Oh I've missed you!

Gary thinks she's talking to him so prepares to kiss her, instead she kneels down to the twins.

MIRANDA: It seems like ages since I saw you!

GARY: Its only been an hour!

MIRANDA: It might as well be a lifetime!

She gets Beat out of the buggy, Gary picks up Bean and then gets a packed lunch from under the pram.

GARY: We thought we'd bring you some lunch before we headed off to Nanna's!

MIRANDA: Oh thank you! I'm starving!

GARY: You had a massive breakfast!

MIRANDA: I know, but keeping these two supplied with milk is hard work! Greedy things!

GARY: I can't argue with that! Bear guzzled her morning milk in under two minutes! That's two ounces a minute! Terrible wind after!

Penny enters.

PENNY: Follows her mother then! Ha! Such fun!

She walks over to Miranda.

MIRANDA: Morning mum!

Penny takes Bear from Miranda.

PENNY: Oh look at my gorgeous grandson!

MIRANDA: No mum, your gorgeous granddaughter! Gary's holding Bean, you've got Bear!

PENNY: It doesn't matter!

MIRANDA: It does a bit!

PENNY: Are you two ready to spend the day at Nanna's?

She puts Bear in the buggy, Gary gives Bean to Miranda who gives him a kiss, but has him swiftly taken off her by Penny. Bean joins his sister in the buggy.

GARY: If its too much, I can always take them with me?

PENNY: At a festival? I think not!

MIRANDA: Or I can have them here with me?

PENNY: No, no! They'll be fine with me!

MIRANDA: But mum!

PENNY: Such fun! Such fun!

Penny exits. Gary goes up to Miranda.

GARY: Don't worry, its only for a few hours! The festival finishes at three, I go and get them and the three of us will be waiting for you when you get home!

They kiss, Gary exits. Miranda sobs.

MIRANDA: I'm an emotional wreck, I blame the hormones entirely. I cry at everything! I saw an advert for dog food and cried because the dog looked hungry! I know! Pathetic! But no, I hate seeing them go, it breaks my heart every time I have to leave them! Stevie's on her honeymoon and I have no one to watch the shop! Its okay, she's back tomorrow so everything can go back to normal!

Miranda walks around the counter and picks up large novelty pen.

MIRANDA: We're registering the twins tomorrow! Yes I know! Why have we left it so long!? The simple answer is; WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO NAME THEM! Sorry, a bit aggresive there! Mum thinks we should go for Beatrice and Rupert! Dad thinks Eleanor and Hector! Its hell! We just can't think of anything that suits them! We want two names that compliment each other, but that also incorporates family names!

Charles hobbles in.

MIRANDA: Dad? What are you doing here?

CHARLES: Your mothers next door flaunting those beautiful grandchildren of ours. I thought I'd slip away and see you! She won't even notice I'm gone!

Miranda gets him a chair to sit on.

MIRANDA: Here sit!

CHARLES: You should be proud! There are two beautiful babies! I'm a very proud gramps, and father of course.

Miranda hands him a cup of tea.

MIRANDA: I am! I never you could love something as much as I love them two!

CHARLES: It the best thing about being a parent, the unconditional love you have for each other!

Miranda and Charles sip at their teas.

CHARLES: How are the names coming along? You can't expect us to keep calling them Bear and Bean now can you?

MIRANDA: Don't worry, we're working on it! I promise! We just want them to be perfect!

CHARLES: Whatever you choose will be perfect, you are their parents, you know them better than anyone else!

Charles gets up.

MIRANDA: Dad? Do you have a middle name?

CHARLES: William, why?

MIRANDA: No reason!

Charles blows a kiss and exits. Miranda starts sobbing again!

MIRANDA: Stupid hormones!

EXT: AT THE FESTIVAL - Gary is stood outside the van on the phone to his mother.

GARY: We're doing it tomorrow.

OLIVIA: Please tell me that you're not sticking with Bear and Bean? They're lovely nicknames, but aren't really proper names are they!

GARY: Mum, don't worry! Yes we are struggling to think of names but we'll get there! By the time we see you on the weekend, your grandchildren will have proper beautiful names! We just want them to be perfect!

OLIVIA: Whatever name you give them will be perfect! Just go with your gut!

GARY: Mum? Quick question, why does everyone call you Pam?

OLIVIA: Well, I'm Olivia Grace, my mother was Grace Olivia, and my grandmother was Olivia Grace, it got rather confusing, so everyone called me Pam!

GARY: So Olivia and Grave are both family names?

OLIVIA: Yes, you were going to be Grace if you were a girl! Oh darling, yer fathers home, hell be wanting his tea, better head off! Give the three of them a hug from me!

GARY: See you on the weekend!

Gary puts the phone down. He is about to ring Miranda but she beats him to it.

GARY: Hello, I was just about to ring you!

MIRANDA: (Sobbing) I think ...

GARY: Hey what's up? Why are you crying?

MIRANDA: Oh its okay, its just I saw a picture in the paper of a little girl who lost her teddy!

She starts crying.

GARY: Hey, I think I might have a name for Bear!

MIRANDA: Really? I think I might have a name for Bean, but you go first!

GARY: No, you go first!

MIRANDA: Okay, well I've been chatting to Dad, and he's been really supportive all my life, always been there for me, so I thought (BEAT) William Charles Preston, but we can call him Billy! What do you think?

GARY: I like it, William will go lovely with the name I've got! I was talking to mum, she's called Pam because her mum was called Grace and her grandmother Olivia, so I thought Grace Olivia Preston.

MIRANDA: William and Grace. I love them!

GARY: Have we done it? Have we finally chosen our children's names?

MIRANDA: I think we have! Billy Bean and Gracie Bear!

GARY: Lets keep it quiet until everyone is together on Saturday!

MIRANDA: Its so exciting! Oh no a customer has just come in, I better go! See you later!

GARY: Love you!

He puts the phone down, the lock scree. Is a picture of Miranda holding the twins.

GARY: William Charles and Grace Olivia. My perfect little twins!

SCENE ENDS.


	20. The big reveal

Scene 9 - INT: MIRANDA AND GARY'S HOUSE - Miranda is in the kitchen, it is dark outside, a car pulls up.

MIRANDA: Its Gary's parents! They're early!

She looks at the clock, it reads half past six. Gary's parents are getting their bags out of the car. Miranda runs into the hallway.

MIRANDA: Gary!?

She looks in the mirror, she has food in her hair. Her clothes are covered in all kind of stains from the children.

MIRANDA: Gary!? Your parents are here!

A knock comes at the door.

MIRANDA: GARY!

Miranda takes a deep breath and opens the door. In walks Gary's mother, Olivia. She is 5ft11, slim build with mousey brown hair.

OLIVIA: Hello sweetheart!

Olivia hugs Miranda very tightly. Olivia is a lot less up tight than her own mother, she's not used to the affection.

OLIVIA: So? Where are they?

MIRANDA: Gary took them up for bath and bed, I'll take you on through to the bedroom and then we'll go up.

Gary's father enters, carrying two suitcases and a small bag.

ARTHUR: Good Evening! How are you?

MIRANDA: Oh the usual, just a little tired.

ARTHUR: Yeah, I can see.

Miranda looks to camera, she looks very shocked. Arthur is 6ft5, stocky build, ex policeman, still has a full head of hair which is jet black, and a hefty moustache to match. He is very abrupt. Doesn't mince his words. Miranda takes them to the guest bedroom, it is on the ground floor. The ceilings in the hallways are quite low, so Miranda and Arthur are having to bend.

ARTHUR: As two tall people, you and Gary didn't think these low ceilings through very well now did you?

MIRANDA: I'm sorry, the ceilings are quite low in the hallways, but as soon as you get into the rooms they get higher!

Olivia smiles at Miranda.

OLIVIA: Don't worry about him, he just likes to moan! The house is beautiful. How long have you been here?

MIRANDA: About 11 months.

They get to the room, there are two single beds.

MIRANDA: Now please, let me apologise. The beds, we had all intentions of redecorating this room, but we got a little sidetracked.

OLIVIA: Its okay dear, we'll just push them together!

MIRANDA: I promise next time you stay there will be a lovely comfy double bed!

Arthur puts both of the suitcases on the first bed and the small bag on the second.

OLIVIA: I told her she didn't need all of these things, but did she listen. No. No she didn't!

OLIVIA: Right let's meet these gorgeous grandchildren of ours!

Miranda leads them back out and up the stairs.

MIRANDA: Gary? You're parents are here!

She knocks on the bathroom door, it opens slightly they're not in there. Miranda's walks over to the nursery, she opens the door. Gary is sat in one of the nursing chairs. He and the twins are asleep, the two of them resting on Gary's chest.

OLIVIA: Aww, they're asleep.

Olivia walks over to them.

OLIVIA: Oh Miranda, they're beautiful!

Gary wakes.

GARY: Mum!? Dad!? What time is it?

ARTHUR: Quarter to seven son.

OLIVIA: Oh Gary can I hold them?

She sits in the other chair. Miranda walks over and takes Grace from Gary and places her in Olivia's arms. Gary gets up and walks over to his father. They shake hands.

GARY: Do you want to hold him?

Gary hands William over to his father and then walks to Miranda who has sat in the other nursing chair.

ARTHUR: He's going to be tall isn't he!

MIRANDA: They both are, we've had to return most of their clothes and get a bigger size purely because their legs are too long.

OLIVIA: It was like that with Gary and his brothers. They're all above 6ft.

Grace starts to stir.

GARY: You can give her the rest of her bottle if you like? Its the one on the right.

Olivia picks up the bottle and starts to feed Grace.

OLIVIA: Are they good? Do they sleep well?

MIRANDA: They'll have this feed and then sleep through until three o'clock, for another feed, then they sleep until about eight o'clock. So yes, they're pretty good.

OLIVIA: (To Grace) So you don't follow your daddy then, he used to have us up every hour!

Miranda gets up to let Arthur sit down.

OLIVIA: And what about their names? Have you had them registered?

GARY: We have yes.

OLIVIA: And?

GARY: And, you'll find out tomorrow.

OLIVIA: Oh Gary! I'm your mother I should be one of the first people to know!

GARY: You will be one of the first people to know! You'll all be together! Everyone will find out at the same time.

William starts to stir, Arthur picks up another bottle.

ARTHUR: Is this his?

Gary nods, Arthur feeds the bottle to William. Gary and Miranda are stood with their arms across each others backs.

OLIVIA: Well Miranda, I can honestly say, you have made me the happiest person in the world. I always hoped you two would get together!

Gary and Miranda look to each other.

OLIVIA: No and I'm not just saying that because you are together now, I genuinely mean it! I just hope his younger brothers can find someone as kind and as lovely as you!

Miranda has tears in her eyes.

OLIVIA: I've never seen my boy so happy!

Grace and William both finish their milk.

OLIVIA: Shall I put her in her crib?

MIRANDA: That would be brilliant!

GARY: We have a lovely joint of venison for tea tonight. It was caught in the nearby woods but the rangers. So very fresh.

OLIVIA: Being spoilt!

Olivia gets up and places Grace into her cot. Arthur follows with William. They four adults walk towards the door.

MIRANDA: Why don't you go on down, I just want to check something.

Gary and his parents exit. Miranda tucks both of the children in.

MIRANDA: Goodnight sweethearts, mummy loves you.

She turns the light off and joins everyone downstairs.

EXT: THE GARDEN - The next day, Miranda, Gary, Arthur, Olivia and the twins have been joined by Penny, Charles, Stevie, Andrew, Tilly, Charlie, Ophelia, Alison, Chris and the boys. Ophelia and the boys are on the trampoline. The twins are being passed from Pilar to post.

PENNY: Come on then! We're all here, what are they called?

Miranda takes William from Tilly. Gary takes Grace from Andrew.

MIRANDA: Right. Okay. Well, we wanted to go for two names that compliment each other but were also family names. As you know we found it very tough. But finally we came to a decision.

GARY: Everybody, I would like to raise a toast to William Charles and Grace Olivia Preston.

Gary's mum and Miranda's Dad both look very shocked.

MIRANDA: Or, Billy Bean and Gracie Bear!

OLIVIA: I'm speechless!

Miranda walks over to Penny.

MIRANDA: Mum? What do you think?

PENNY: Miranda, they're perfect!

Penny kisses Miranda and then takes William off of her. Miranda walks over to her dad.

MIRANDA: I just wanted to say thank you!

CHARLES: For what?

MIRANDA: If it wasn't for you I don't think I'd be the person I am today! That's why I knew I had to name my son after you. If he turns out to be half the man you are I will be so very proud.

Miranda and her dad hug. Gary is with his mum who is holding Grace.

OLIVIA: Hello there Grace! Oh Gary, this means so much to me! The family tradition ended for a while with me, I graced with three sons so wasn't able to carry it on, I'm so happy you've been able to!

GARY: Well, we were struggling so much, but when you told me the story, I knew straight away!

Gary kisses his mother and they start mingling with everyone else.

SCENE ENDS


	21. Mummy and Me

INT: THE NURSERY - Miranda is led on the floor with the twins led either side in their play gyms. It is early morning, Miranda is in her PJs, so are the twins. Gary walks in all dressed in his chef gear.

GARY: Miranda? Have you seen my keys?

Miranda has her eyes closed. Gary thinks she didn't hear him.

GARY: Miranda? Hey!

MIRANDA: I can hear you! I'm trying to think! You come in late last night and you were very grouchy! I remember hearing you throw them down in anger. Try by the coat rack!?

GARY: Thank you!

Gary runs out of the room and down the stairs.

MIRANDA: 3, 2, 1!

GARY: Got them!

Gary runs back upstairs.

GARY: Are you going to be okay today?

MIRANDA: Yes, I'll be fine!

GARY: Are you sure?

Miranda is still led down with her eyes closed, she puts her arms behind her head.

MIRANDA: Gary! We will be fine! We are going to have some quality time at home, then venturing out to a mummy and me class!

GARY: Okay, well I'm not going to be just round the corner like most days!

Miranda's eyes shoot open, she stares Gary down and then stands up.

MIRANDA: I can look after our children all by myself Gary, I'm not completely useless!

GARY: I wasn't in any way insinuating that, I just meant that I won't be able to just pop back home for anything!

MIRANDA: Billy Bean, your daddy is on thin ice. I think he's about to fall through Gracie Bear!

GARY: Come on, I can't tell whether you are joking or not?

MIRANDA: Don't worry, I'm only joking!

Gary looks very relieved. He bends down and picks up Grace.

GARY: Well you three have fun today!

He kisses Grace and hands her to Miranda, then he bends down to pick up William.

GARY: Don't cause mummy too much trouble!

He kisses William and gives him to Miranda. She has hold of both twins. Gary then kisses her and exits.

MIRANDA: Right, and back to our positions!

Miranda gets back down on the floor, she lies William down and then Grace. Gary shouts from the stairs.

GARY: See you later! Don't spend all day sleeping!

MIRANDA: We won't! Have a good day!

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: We probably will!

The front door shuts.

MIRANDA: Just a short nap!? It won't hurt! Considering I've been up since 4am! Billy's got colic, oh my goodness!

She settles back down on the floor.

MIRANDA: Pleasant dreams little ones!

Miranda starts snoring. Time ticks through to half ten. Miranda wakes. Neither babies are by her. She jumps up.

MIRANDA: William? Gracie?

She searches round the room but cannot find them anyway. Suddenly she hears Penny's voice from downstairs.

PENNY: Sounds like Mummy has finally woken from her slumber!

Miranda runs downstairs. Penny is in the kitchen, the twins are in their bouncers in the living room.

MIRANDA: Mum, what are you doing? I had a heart attack when they weren't there!

PENNY: You should be thanking me! I only popped over to use the computer.

MIRANDA: They were safe in their gyms and anyway, they can't go anywhere! They're only six weeks old!

PENNY: If you say so! Can I use the computer please?

Miranda nods as Penny pops her head round the door.

MIRANDA: I'm so sorry guys! Did mummy fall asleep?

Miranda kisses them. As she leans down to Gracie she realises that Gracie needs changing. She picks them both up out of their bouncers and walks back upstairs. She places William in his gym and then walks over to the changing area.

MIRANDA: Oh Gracie.

The nappy has leaked everywhere.

MIRANDA: Its like a volcano has erupted!

Gracie's stomach grows.

MIRANDA: Sounds like someone is hungry!

Miranda finishes changing her and places her in her baby gym. Suddenly William let's off one of the biggest farts known to man.

MIRANDA: Does that mean you also have a package for me?

She picks him up.

MIRANDA: Oh my! That's horrible!

She takes off the dirty nappy and cleans him up.

MIRANDA: Now no fountains today son!

She puts the new nappy then places him back on his baby gym. Picking Grace back up.

MIRANDA: Let's get your bottle.

She walks over to the corner of the room, there is a small fridge, it is full of bottles of milk. She puts it in the microwave for a few seconds. Grace starts to cry.

MIRANDA: Just a few moments Gracie Bear!

The microwave ends, Miranda grabs the bottle and heads over to the nursing chair. William starts to cry.

MIRANDA: Oh Billy Bean! Its okay!

She stands back up and pulls the play gym closer to the nursing chair. William continues to cry. Penny comes in.

PENNY: I'll get him!

MIRANDA: Mum, please, its okay! I can do it.

Miranda feeds Grace the bottle and uses her feet to move the play gym, distracting William.

PENNY: Well I'll be off then!

MIRANDA: Bye! Thanks for popping round!

Penny hesitates but finally exits.

MIRANDA: I'm doing okay? Aren't I?

She looks at Grace who is guzzling down her milk. Then to William who has decided to play with Miranda's toes instead of the numerous toys in his gym.

MIRANDA: You'd tell me if I wasn't right?

William starts laughing.

MIRANDA: Oh like that is it?

She starts to tickle him with her feet. Suddenly Grace starts to cry. She's finished with the bottle.

MIRANDA: You my girl, are one greedy baby!

Miranda winds her then lays her next to William, they start cooing to each other. She gets a bottle for William, heats it up and then sits back in the nursing chair with him.

MIRANDA: So in a bit we'll pop off to this mummy and me class I've found. Will be nice to meet some new mummies!

William drinks the milk quicker than Grace.

MIRANDA: Wow! Another hungry and greedy baby!

Again, Miranda winds him and places him on the floor. She goes over to the changing unit and gets their changing bags ready. It takes a little while to get everything together. William starts to cough, when Miranda looks round, he has been sick.

MIRANDA: Oh no, Billy Bean!

She picks him up and he's sick again.

MIRANDA: Let's strip you down.

Miranda strips him down to his nappy.

MIRANDA: Shall we find you a nice clean outfit to wear? We want you to look perfect for this new class.

She picks him up and goes over to the wardrobe. She chooses striped green trousers and a white T-shirt with a crocodile on and "Billy" written underneath.

MIRANDA: Here we go!

She gets him dressed and sits him up in his cot. When she turns around, she notices Grace has been sick as well.

MIRANDA: Oh no, not you as well? I hope you're not going down with something!

Miranda picks her up and takes her to the wardrobe. She chooses some orange striped leggings and a white top with a giraffe on with "Gracie" written underneath.

MIRANDA: You two are going to be the best dressed their!

Miranda gets Gracie changed. Then picks up William. She walks downstairs and places them in their bouncers. She tuns back upstairs and get both of the changing bags. She gets the buggy out of the garage and tries to put it up.

MIRANDA: Honestly I think it now requires a degree in engineering to set one of these up nowadays! So many buttons!

Finally she gets it up, she loads the bags on and as she walks back into the house the buggy tips up.

MIRANDA: So glad neither of the twins were in there! Stupid thing!

She runs back out and takes the bags off, and picks the buggy up. When she goes back in she takes to coats off of the rack and runs into the living room. She starts to put the one on William. It is an all-in-one coat, that looks like a crocodile. She runs him out to the buggy and straps him in then returns and puts Grace's coat on her. Again you guessed it, an all-in-one coat that looks like a giraffe! She carries Grace out to the buggy and straps her in. She sheepishly puts the bags back on the buggy, but the weight is level now so it doesn't tip. Miranda looks relieved. She pops back in to get her coat, keys and handbag, then she heads off. The class is being held in a local church, only ten minutes walk from her house.

MIRANDA: And we're off! I wonder who will be there?

She walks through the town, and literally bumps into Amanda Barnes. Amanda is pushing a buggy.

AMANDA: Mary! Fancy bumping into you again!

MIRANDA: isn't it just! How are you?

AMANDA: Now who are these two?

MIRANDA: Oh yes, a lot has changed since I saw you last! These at my twins. William and Grace.

AMANDA: Oh cute, Will and Grace, you say? Like the american TV show?

MIRANDA: Sorry!?

AMANDA: There was a TV show called Will and Grace? Guessing you are big fans?

MIRANDA: Never heard of it, I'm afraid! The names are family names. Who is this you have?

AMANDA: This is my youngest, Jonty.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Jonty!? Ha!

AMANDA: So, how are Cliff and Richard coping?

MIRANDA: Who?

AMANDA: Your older boys!?

MIRANDA: Oh yes! They're brilliant! A big help!

AMANDA: My eldest stopped talking to me for a week when I told him he was going to be a big brother! Now Jonty is the fifth!

MIRANDA: Are they all boys?

AMANDA: Yep five active little boys. Hector, Jasper, Hugo, Xander and little Jonty here.

MIRANDA: Well its been lovely chatting, but I must get on, we have a mummy and me class to get to.

AMANDA: Oh you're going to that as well? We can walk together.

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Kill me now!

They walk on to the church. They are greeted by a lady.

JANET: Hi, you must be Miranda?

AMANDA: No, this is Mary!

JANET: I'm so sorry, our paperwork says Miranda with Billy and Grace.

MIRANDA: Its okay, my name is Miranda, but everyone calls me Mary.

Janet and Amanda looks at her oddly.

MIRANDA: Long story!

Janet shows them into the back room.

JANET: So today we are going to be doing hand and footprints!

Miranda is getting William out of the buggy. Janet offers to help and gets Grace out.

MIRANDA: Thank you, its hard with two!

JANET: I don't doubt it!

At the back of the room is a table full of different coloured paints and numerous pieces of paper. They all go and doe the activity. Afterwards when all of them have finished and have been cleaned up they sit and the parent chat. The children are in the middle of the circle.

JANET: So Mary, what do you and your, husband do?

Miranda doesn't react at first, then realises they are talking to her.

MIRANDA: Sorry, miles away! Well I own a small chain of Joke Shops, and my husband is a chef.

JANET: Do you work in the shops? Or are you at home with these two beauties?

MIRANDA: Mostly at home, but sometimes I have to muck in and do the odd shift.

JANET: And these are your only two?

MIRANDA: Oh no, I have ...

She hesitates.

MIRANDA: Two other boys. Cliff who is 12 and Richard who is 14.

JANET: So a big age gap then?

MIRANDA: Yeah, yeah there is! Gary and I had the boys young. These two were unexpected miracles!

AMANDA: Whose Gary?

MIRANDA: My husband!

AMANDA: I thought he was called Joseph?

MIRANDA: Oh yes! He is! I call him Gary, he hates it!

Amanda looks at her oddly once more.

AMANDA: Oh.

JANET: Oh my, look at the time! We best pack up!

Everyone starts to pack up, Miranda puts the coats back on the twins and puts them in the buggy. Suddenly she is tapped on the shoulder, she turns around and Amanda is holding William.

AMANDA: Um, I think we've swapped sons!

MIRANDA: Oh my!

Miranda takes Jonty out of the pram and takes the coat of him.

MIRANDA: I am so sorry! I wasn't looking properly!

AMANDA: Its okay! Easy mistake!

They swap the boys over, Miranda puts the coat on William and outs him in the buggy. She bends down and straps them back in properly.

MIRANDA: (To the twins) Now, listen here, no one needs to know about what just happened! What happens at Mummy and Me, stays at Mummy and Me!

Miranda looks to leave.

AMANDA: Wait up! Are you walking up to the school?

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: (Mouthing) HELP!? What do I do?

AMANDA: No point in going home! I have to pick up Hector and Jasper, we could walk together?

MIRANDA: Oh my boys don't go to St Johns, they are at Harrowsmith.

AMANDA: Isn't that a private school?

MIRANDA: It is, its where Gar.. Joseph went.

AMANDA: Very nice! Well I guess this is goodbye! We'll see you next week!

They both exit the church and walk their separate ways.

MIRANDA: (To camera) A lucky escape there!

She quickly checks that she has the right babies.

MIRANDA: (To camera) I can't believe that just happened! Don't you dare tell anyone!

She continues walking, the camera stops, she looks back.

MIRANDA: Okay, maybe I do need help! Twins are a handful!

She walks on. SCENE ENDS.


	22. I can't

EXT: OUTSIDE PENNY AND CHARLES' HOUSE - It is late afternoon, Miranda and Gary pull up outside the house.

MIRANDA: I don't think I can do it!

GARY: Miranda, its for two nights, we'll be back before you know it!

Penny is waiting at the door.

GARY: Come on! It'll be fine!

They get out of the car. Penny runs to them.

PENNY: Where are they? Nanna wants a cuddle!

Penny opens the back door and gets William from his car seat.

PENNY: My what I call favourite Grandson!

MIRANDA: (To camera) He's her only grandson! Mad women!

PENNY: What have you brought all this stuff for? I told you that your father and I have it covered! We've turned the fourth bedroom into a little haven for the two of them! Come! Come!

Penny runs into the house. Miranda and Gary follow. Miranda shouts back to Gary.

MIRANDA: Don't forget Grace!

Gary runs back to the car and gets Grace from her car seat.

GARY: Sorry sweetie!

Gary joins Miranda and Penny upstairs. Penny opens the door to reveal the most amazing nursery. Twice the size of Miranda and Gary's.

PENNY: We literally have everything!

MIRANDA: You're not wrong there!

PENNY: Well we thought we'd prepare ourselves! These visits may be a regular thing!

MIRANDA: (To Camera) Not if I can help it!

GARY: Penny, it all looks wonderful!

Penny puts William down in the play gym, Gary puts Grace in too.

PENNY: Gary, I do need your help though. We've bought this monitor system, it connects to our iPad so we can see everything that happens in the room.

MIRANDA: You have an iPad? Who are you and what have you done with my mother?

PENNY: I do, but I have no idea how to use it!

MIRANDA: Oh there she is!

PENNY: That's what I need you to show me!

GARY: Where is it?

Penny gets an iPad off the side.

PENNY: Here!

Miranda picks up the William.

MIRANDA: Come on Billy! Let's go and find Grandpa!

Miranda exits. Camera follows.

MIRANDA: I cannot deal with technology, it all just confuses me! Never have! Never will!

Miranda walks back downstairs and into the games room.

CHARLES: Hello darling! Hello William!

Charles takes William off of Miranda.

MIRANDA: I can't do it! I can't be away from them for two whole nights!

CHARLES: Its always tough leaving them, but you need this break! The four of you will have such a lovely time away!

MIRANDA: I don't want a break! And really, is it even a break? Its a food festival! I'll be helping Gary in the van!

CHARLES: Just think of all the samples you get eat!

MIRANDA: I'm not bothered! Really I'm not!

Charles outs his hand on her forehead.

CHARLES: Are you feeling okay?

MIRANDA: I just don't want to leave them!

CHARLES: When you were little, I used to go to Golf every Wednesday evening. At first I didn't want to, I felt guilty for leaving you but I had to. I had to have "me time" so did your mother. So do you and Gary! The twins will be fine! Go! Enjoy it!

Miranda kisses Charles, picks up William and gives him a big cuddle and a kiss.

MIRANDA: Okay Dad! I will!

She hands William back to her Dad and exits. She walks back upstairs. Gary has finished showing Penny how to use the iPad. Penny holds it up to Miranda.

PENNY: Don't look now, you're on camera!

Gary kisses Grace and exits.

MIRANDA: Now I want you to ring me if anything happens! I'm driving to the festival in the car with Stevie and Andrew, so will be able to just come straight back if anything happens!

PENNY: We will be fine!

Miranda picks up Grace and gives her a big cuddle and kiss. Then gives her to Penny.

MIRANDA: Grace has a gir...

Penny interrupts.

PENNY: A giraffe teddy, that she sleeps with. And Billy has a crocodile. I know! Don't worry!

MIRANDA: In the bag is all of their nappies, creams...

Penny interrupts again.

PENNY: Miranda, darling, everything's will be fine! I promise!

MIRANDA: And you promise to ring me!?

PENNY: I promise!

Miranda and Penny walk out of the nursery and walk downstairs. They meet Gary and Charles. Miranda and Gary kiss the children once more and then make their way out to the car. Penny, Charles and the twins stand on the doorstep, waving them off.

MIRANDA: Oh man this is tough!

GARY: It will be fine!

MIRANDA: Can you please stop saying it will be fine? I am leaving my children for the first time, I'm allowed to be dramatic! Its one of the perks of being a hormonal mother! You can be as moody as you like, then blame it on the hormones!

GARY: Well I will leave you to be moody!

MIRANDA: Thank you!

They sit in silence for the rest of the journey. When they get to their house, Stevie and Andrew are waiting outside.

MIRANDA: (Glum) Hello!

STEVIE: Oh what's wrong?

GARY: We've just dropped the twins off at Penny's, Miranda is finding all a bit emotional!

Miranda gets out of the car. Stevie hugs her.

STEVIE: Everything will be ...

Gary waves his arms around, signalling for Stevie to be quiet.

MIRANDA: I'm going to pack!

GARY: I have an idea! Be back later!

Gary drives off.

STEVIE: Please say you have the house keys?

MIRANDA: I'm not sure! Bare with! Bare with!

Miranda searches for the keys, after a short while she finds them. They enter the house. Miranda runs straight to the bedroom slamming the door behind her.

STEVIE: Moody are we?

Stevie and Andrew go into the kitchen.

ANDREW: Shall I put the kettle on!

INT: MIRANDA'S BEDROOM - She's lead on the bed holding a photo of her, Gary and the twins. She moping around when in runs Gary, he gives her an iPhone.

MIRANDA: What's this?

GARY: Have a look!

Miranda looks to the phone. You can see the nursery at Penny's.

GARY: I installed the app onto your phone so you can check in anytime. Penny has agreed that where the twins are she will move the monitor so you can see them! Meaning they will always be with us!

MIRANDA: Oh Gary! That's amazing!

She kisses him.

GARY: But wait, it gets better! Press that button.

Miranda presses a "microphone" button, suddenly you can hear everything.

VOICE FROM PHONE: Hello!

MIRANDA: Is that mum?

PENNY: It is!

GARY: They can hear you too, its like Skype and CCTV built into one!

PENNY: SUCH FUN!

MIRANDA: Okay, well now I cannot see any reason why I can't go to this festival and gorge on food all weekend!

GARY: Shall we go?

MIRANDA: I want to see them first, mum take the camera to them.

Penny picks up the camera and hovers it over the cots. They are fast asleep.

MIRANDA: Na'night! Night Mum!

PENNY: Goodnight Darling!

Gary turns the app off and they gather their stuff, racing down stairs. Stevie and Andrew join them. Gary and Andrew get into the catering van. Miranda and Stevie into the car.

STEVIE: Oh I do like a road trip!

The two vehicles drive off.

SCENE ENDS


	23. Road Trip!

INT: GARY AND ANDREW ARE SAT IN THE FRONT OF THE VAN. - They are playing cards.

ANDREW: They did see us turn off right?

GARY: I think so, but they have been a while!

ANDREW: Shall we go and have a look for them?

Gary and Andrew get out of the van and walk towards the services. They walk all around the services but can't find the girls. They walk back to the car.

ANDREW: I'm guessing that they didn't!

GARY: I'll ring Miranda!

Gary gets out his phone and dials a number.

INT: MIRANDA'S CAR - Stevie is driving. The two of them are singing along to "Billy Joel - Uptown Girl"

MIRANDA\STEVIE: Uptown Girl, she's been living in...

The music stops as Gary's picture appears on the car monitor. Miranda accepts the call.

MIRANDA: AN UPTOWN WORLD!

GARY: What?

MIRANDA: We were singing! You interrupted our sing-a-long!

GARY: Anyway, where are you?

MIRANDA: On the motorway!

GARY: Very funny! Did you not see us turn into the services?

STEVIE: Obviously not!

GARY: Do you know where you're going?

MIRANDA: We have a welsh woman shouting directions at us!

GARY: What?

MIRANDA: The SATNAV Gary, the SATNAV!

GARY: Oh right! Well you carry on, we'll catch up!

SATNAV: (Welsh Accent) Continue for 10.1 miles, then turn off at Junction 15, towards Marlborough/Swindon.

GARY: We'll see you there!

MIRANDA: Over and out!

Miranda ends the call. Billy Joel resumes.

MIRANDA/STEVIE: I BET SHE'S NEVER HAD A BACKSTREET GUY!

Stevie stops the music.

STEVIE: Do you have anything other than Billy Joel?

MIRANDA: NO! Why would I? Billy is all you need!

STEVIE: Can you scan the channels please?

Miranda turns onto the radio. First up is a piece of classical music. Miranda looks to Stevie. They start singing in operatic voices.

MIRANDA: I haaave nnnoo iddeaa what they'reee saying!

She switches it over and it goes to a Rap/Hip Hop song.

STEVIE: YO!

Miranda turns it over. This station is called "Cheese" Walking on Sunshine is playing.

MIRANDA: I think this may be the channel for us! How long does the SATNAV say is left?

STEVIE: About 55 miles!

MIRANDA: In that case I'm going to sleep!

Miranda adjusts her seat and grabs a pillow from the back.

MIRANDA: Wake me when we get there!

Stevie looks stunned.

INT: GARY'S VAN - He is driving, Andrew is slumped against the window.

GARY: Penny for them?

ANDREW: Huh?

GARY: You look as though you have something on your mind!

ANDREW: Oh no it's alright!

GARY: Come on! Spill!

ANDREW: What's it like being a dad?

GARY: Why? Do you and Stevie have a little one on the way?

ANDREW: Oh no! Not that I know of!

GARY: Well parenthood is both stressful and rewarding. The sleepless nights, the endless dirty nappies, the tears, the screaming. Never having a moment to yourself, but seeing their smiles and hearing their little laughs evens it up!

ANDREW: Now that Stevie and I are married, I think children are the next step!

GARY: It doesn't have to be! Take a few years to settle into marriage! Enjoy being a couple!

ANDREW: Do we have a few years? We're no youngsters! We'd already be the oldest parents in the school playground now!

GARY: Mate, that stuff doesn't matter! Miranda and I will be fifty six when the twins turn eighteen! Its just a number.

ANDREW: Suppose so!

GARY: Have you spoke to Stevie about it?

ANDREW: In passing, but we've never sat down and had a conversation about it! Here, we need to turn off here!

They see a sign for Tewkesbury.

EXT: IN AN EMPTY FIELD - Miranda, Gary, Stevie and Andrew are stood in front of the van.

MIRANDA: I'm not an expert on Food festivals, but I have an inkling that we are in the wrong place!?

GARY: You think?

ANDREW: What day does the festival start?

GARY: We had to be here for 9am, the tents etc were being erected...

Miranda and Stevie burst into giggles.

ANDREW: Really?

GARY: It was all being set up at eight o'clock.

ANDREW: 9am on Thursday 12th!?

GARY: No, 9am on Friday 13th, which is today!?

ANDREW: No mate, that's tomorrow!

Gary puts his hands on his head.

MIRANDA: So we are early by a whole day?

STEVIE: Seems that way!

MIRANDA: Which also means our hotel isn't booked for tonight!?

GARY: Hotel? What hotel?

MIRANDA: What hotel? The hotel that we are obviously staying in throughout our time here?

GARY: There is no hotel, we're staying in the van!

STEVIE: What now please?

GARY: The top deck transforms into a bedroom! There's room for all of us!

MIRANDA: Please say you're joking?

GARY: Why would I fork out on a hotel when we already have a hotel on wheels?

MIRANDA: This van is in no way a hotel on wheels! This represents a chicken coop! I am not sleeping in that!

Miranda and Stevie storm off.

MIRANDA: I am going to find a hotel and get their best and most expensive suite for me and my little friend here! You will not find us in that!

INT: INSIDE THE VAN - TOP DECK. Gary and Andrew are in a bed either side of the van. Suddenly there's a knock at the door. Gary gets down and opens it. There stands Miranda and Stevie.

MIRANDA: Please can we bunk with you? All of the hotels are full!

GARY: Oh so now my van, which I remember you saying resembles a chicken coop, is okay for you two is it?

STEVIE: Gary, we are very sorry to have insulted your van. We are very cold out here and very tired! Please can we come in!

GARY: Andy, shall I let them in?

Miranda brings out a bag from behind her back.

MIRANDA: I brought beer!

GARY: Well why didn't you say so!?

Gary let's them in, then shuts the door. The sun sets behind them. A lot of laughing comes from the van. The stars come out and finally the lights go out inside the van. Suddenly a cockerel sounds. The sun rises.

MIRANDA: Someone shoot that bird please?

Andrew and Gary emerge from the back of the van.

ANDREW: What time is it?

GARY: 6am!

The cockerel sounds again.

MIRANDA: Seriously, someone get hold of that bloody bird!

Miranda exits the van.

GARY: We're going to get things for breakfast, if a man turns up in a high vis jacket. Do as he says!

MIRANDA: Yes your majesty!

Miranda curtseys as Gary and Andrew walk off. She goes back into the van and closes the door behind her. The cockerel starts again.

MIRANDA: I feel roast cockerel is going to feature heavily this weekend!

The cockerel stops.

MIRANDA: That made him stop!

Snoring resumes. A man appears at the van, he knocks on the door but no one answers. He signals across the field. Suddenly a crane appears and they lift the van up.

SCENE ENDS.


	24. Get us down!

EXT: IN THE FIELD - The van is suspended in mid-air. Miranda and Stevie stick their heads out of the front windows. Gary and Andrew run up to the gentleman.

MIRANDA: GARY! Get us down!

GARY: What's going on?

GENTLEMAN: You are on private property!

GARY: We're here for the Food Festival! I booked a pitch!?

GENTLEMAN: Well, why didn't you say?

MIRANDA: You didn't really give us chance?

GENTLEMAN: I did knock!

STEVIE: Miranda could sleep through anything!

MIRANDA: I didn't see you waking up?

STEVIE: I had my earplugs in! Gary may have grown to block out your snoring but my ears are very sensitive! It was like sleeping next to a fog horn!

MIRANDA: Rude!

GENTLEMAN: If I can interrupt? Do you have your paperwork with you?

GARY: Its in the van!

Miranda disappears then reappears with a folder. Gary runs underneath her and she drops it. All the paperwork falls out and blows across the field. Gary and Andrew run after it all.

MIRANDA: Oops! Sorry!

GARY: (Sarcastically) Thank you dear!

He peels the last piece of paper off of the ground and hands it to the man.

GENTLEMAN: Right. Yes. Okay! Your spot is over there! In the corner!

He points to the other end of the field.

GARY: Right? Okay!

GENTLEMAN: We'll take the van on over shall we?

MIRANDA: Now that you've gone to the effort of lifting us, yeah, you might as well!

GARY: Isn't there anywhere else we could go!? That seems rather tucked away?

The gentleman whips a map of the field.

GENTLEMAN: Well, if you look, we're fully booked. Don't worry, you won't be alone!

ANDREW: What's that massive thing in the middle?

GENTLEMAN: That's the Demonstration tent.

MIRANDA: And what happens in there!?

Andrew, Gary and the Gentleman look at Miranda with a confused look.

STEVIE: (Sarcastically) Its where they sumo wrestle!

MIRANDA: Sumo wrestling at a food festival?

Stevie slaps her right hand against her forehead.

GARY: Its kinda in the title! Its where chefs put on demonstrations of their work!

MIRANDA: What chefs do we have this weekend?

GENTLEMAN: We have a few famous chefs and a few amateur chefs too!

STEVIE: Famous chefs, you say?

GENTLEMAN: Yes we have James Martin...

STEVIE: PHWOAR!

GENTLEMAN: Gino D'Campo, Jamie Oliver and Raymond Blanc!

MIRANDA/STEVIE: Raymond Bloody Blanc!?

GENTLEMAN: Have you heard of him?

MIRANDA: (Sarcastically) Have I?

GENTLEMAN: You'll have to pop by a few!

MIRANDA: I will if I ever get down from here!

The crane starts to move again, it goes across the field and drops the van down into the corner. It comes down with a bump. Stevie runs out of the back and kneels down.

STEVIE: Thank god!

Miranda gets out of the van and is a bit dizzy.

MIRANDA: I feel all funny!

She falls into the gentleman's arms. Gary and Andrew pull up in the car, they park it behind the van. Gary gets out and walks round to the front, he clears his throat, the gentleman let's go of Miranda who then falls to the floor, on top of Stevie. Stevie's head is pushed into a muddy puddle.

MIRANDA: I'm so sorry!

Miranda, Gary and the gentleman start to laugh. Andrew helps her up. Stevie is covered in mud.

STEVIE: Is there anywhere I could get cleaned up?

GENTLEMAN: There is a washroom in the opposite corner to us! Can you see it?

STEVIE: All I can see is mud!

Andrew hands her a towel.

STEVIE: Thank you! Does it have hot water?

GENTLEMAN: Hot ish, yeah!

STEVIE: (Sarcastically) Great!

Andrew and Stevie walk to the washroom. The gentleman walks off too. Gary goes into the van and starts to set up.

MIRANDA: What time does it open to the public?

GARY: 10am.

MIRANDA: So I have time to ring mum?

GARY: I suppose so!

He walks out of the van and goes to the car. He comes back with a set of deck chairs. He sets them up and returns to the car. Miranda takes a seat. Gary comes back with more chairs and a fold up table.

GARY: Make yourself comfy! Its okay, I don't need any help!

Miranda is on her phone.

GARY: Talk to yourself Gary!

MIRANDA: Hey Mum!

PENNY: Hello darling! Are you all set up?

MIRANDA: Yeah Gary's on it!

PENNY: Missing us?

MIRANDA: I'm missing the twins of course! Where are they?

PENNY: Your father's taken them for a walk into the village. He loves to show them off!

MIRANDA: I really wanted to see their faces! Text me as soon as they're home!

PENNY: Will do dear! Give my love to Gary!

Miranda hangs up.

MIRANDA: This is marvellous!

GARY: What is?

MIRANDA: The way I can see them on my phone! What's it called?

GARY: Its called Skyping! Its nothing new!

MIRANDA: Well I think its wonderful!

Gary has finished setting up.

MIRANDA: Would you like some help?

GARY: Awh, how kind of you to offer, now that its all done!

MIRANDA: Shall we get on with the prep work? What are we cooking?

GARY: There are a few different dishes! We have starters, mains and desserts. They come in these little containers. A compartment for each course.

Gary takes a plastic container from the van. It has the slogan "Hey Presto-n!" on it.

MIRANDA: Sticking with the name?

GARY: Yes! I'm not budging!

MIRANDA: Right let's crack on shall we! We have an hour!

GARY: You chop the onions!

They walk into the van and get on the appropriate protective gear. Miranda starts to cut the onions. She puts a wooden spoon in her mouth.

GARY: What are you doing?

GARY: I was told if you bit down on a wooden spoon it would stop you from crying when chopping onions!

GARY: That won't work! Trust me! If you cry you cry!

MIRANDA: I'll take my chances!

Miranda carries on. Gary starts to fillet a salmon.

MIRANDA: That looks fiddly!

GARY: Its okay if you know what you're doing!

MIRANDA: Hence why you're doing that and I'm cutting veg!

Gary smiles.

GARY: Now no throwing food today! We need all the ingredients we have!

Miranda puts her thumb up. She has started to cry. She rubs her eyes.

MIRANDA: Oh no! Bad idea! Ahh! Gary, my eyes are burning!

Gary tries to help her, she starts flapping. She hits the chopping board off of the side, the knife falls and lands in between Gary's feet. The onions go everywhere!

MIRANDA: Oh my, I'm do sorry!

GARY: Its okay! Leave it to me! Go on over to the restroom and wash out your eyes!

Miranda cannot see, she tries to exit and knocks everything off of the sides.

MIRANDA: Sorry!

Gary stands there, one hand on his hip, the other on his head. Miranda stumbles off towards the washroom.

SCENE ENDS.


	25. Hey Presto-n it!

INT: IN THE VAN - Miranda is on her own, she has a chalk board.

MIRANDA: Gary's abandoned me! He's gone off to the demonstration tent, to make some sort of potato pasta thingy, think its called gnomi or something like that. Oh no, wait! Isn't it Gnocchi? Well whatever it is I am here alone! Stevie and Andrew have gone off for a romantic picnic to celebrate their first ever valentines day together!

She starts to write up the menu on the chalk board.

MIRANDA: Gary wanted me to open the van, but that would require me to cook the food myself and that is a disaster waiting to happen! He should be back soon! The menu is very fancy! For starters we have scallops in an oyster sauce. Main is heart shaped steak bites with triple cooked chips and for pudding are hearty macaroons with strawberry ice cream all washed down with champagne cocktails, and he expected me to be able to cook and serve all of that on my own!

Gary walks into the van, he has his hands behind his back.

GARY: I have a surprise for you! Close your eyes!

Miranda closes her eyes, Gary holds up a T-shirt.

GARY: Open your eyes!

Miranda does and is disappointed when its just a T-shirt.

MIRANDA: Whats that for?

GARY: For you to wear!

He turns it around and it says "Stuck for Valentine's Day? Don't worry, Hey Presto-n it!"

MIRANDA: I am not wearing that!

EXT: THE FOOD FESTIVAL - Miranda is walking around handing out leaflets, wearing the T-shirt.

MIRANDA: Don't say it! I know I said I wouldn't wear it, but here I am!

She hands a leaflet to a couple.

MIRANDA: Stuck for Valentine's Day? Don't worry, Hey Presto-n it!

The couple walk off laughing.

MIRANDA: I still hate Valentine's Day! There's nothing more cringey than couples being even more loved up than usual! Why is there a day dedicated to telling your partners how much you love them? Shouldn't you be doing that everyday?

She tries to hand out another leaflet but the people refuse. She walks up to a bin and throws the leaflets in.

MIRANDA: They're useless. No one cares. They're here to having a good day, they don't want to be hassled by me! I think I might check out one of these infamous demonstrations.

She walks up to a tent, she pokes her head through. There is a wall, on a table by the wall is a plate of cake. She walks up to it and tries a piece. Its rather hot.

MIRANDA: Hot, Hot!

She fans her mouth, then picks up another piece.

MIRANDA: But yummy!

She finishes of the piece of cake. Then suddenly hears people talking, she goes around the wall, there is a large crowd. She walks in but happens to walk into a stage. James Martin is at the other end.

JAMES MARTIN: Please say hello to my colleague, this is ...

Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Um.. What do I do?

She walks over to James.

MIRANDA: I'm Miranda!

JAMES MARTIN: Can you pass me the spatular please? Then we can get started.

Miranda picks up the spatular, she looks to the camera and nods. She walks back over to James and hands it to him. Suddenly Stevie walks into the tent.

JAMES MARTIN: So today I am going to show you a recipe that was passed down to me by my grandmother. It is a chocolate and beetroot cake!

Miranda makes a disgusted face. James looks at her funny.

MIRANDA: Sorry! Its just I'm not a fan of vegetables being used out of content! Beetroot in a sandwich I get, but in a cake? Really?

JAMES MARTIN: Anyway... Firstly you beat the sugar and the butter until it forms a pale paste. Then add three eggs.

James indicates for Miranda to pass him the eggs. She fiddles for the eggs, dropping some on the floor.

JAMES MARTIN: In the bowl please.

She successfully passes him three eggs.

JAMES MARTIN: Whisk until the eggs are folded in. Then add the flour and cocoa powder.

Miranda goes to hand him the flour. He stops her and retrieves it himself.

JAMES MARTIN: I'll get it, don't want flour everywhere!

MIRANDA: Rude!

JAMES: Add a touch of baking powder, then finally the shredded beetroot!

MIRANDA: Seriously, beetroot in a cake? What are you thinking?

JAMES MARTIN: Being heckled by my own staff! That's a first!

The crowd laugh. Miranda looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: Well this is all rather strange isn't it! I don't think he needs me anymore. I need to try and sneak out.

She turns and tries to exit where she came from.

JAMES MARTIN: I will give this to my assistant, who will pop it into the oven for me. It goes in at 180 degrees for 35 minutes.

He passes the tray to Miranda, who puts it in the oven.

JAMES MARTIN: In true Blue Peter style, here's some I made earlier.

James looks to Miranda.

JAMES MARTIN: Miranda, please could you retrieve the tray of cake I put out to cool?

MIRANDA: I can...

She walks around to the back.

MIRANDA: But its not there!

Miranda comes back with an empty tray.

MIRANDA: We have a thief in our midst! All the cake has been eaten!

She looks to the camera.

MIRANDA: I feel like Bruce Bogtrotter in Matilda. Do I have cake around my mouth!?

JAMES MARTIN: Seems as though the crew were hungry! Sorry everyone!

The crowd boos!

MIRANDA: If you are looking for tasty treats then head on over to Hey Presto-n! They have some wonderful treats for you all!

James looks to her, as half the crowd leave.

JAMES MARTIN: Thanks for that!

MIRANDA: You're welcome, glad I could. (BEAT) You're being sarcastic aren't you!?

JAMES MARTIN: How'd you guess?

MIRANDA: I think I better be off!

JAMES MARTIN: I think that's a good idea.

MIRANDA: Do you want me to come back and help later?

JAMES MARTIN: No, you're okay!

MIRANDA: Thought as much!

She runs off. She bumps into Stevie.

STEVIE: What was all that about?

MIRANDA: Don't even ask! Why does it always happen to me?

Stevie goes to answer. Miranda stops her.

MIRANDA: Don't answer that! Why aren't you at your valentines picnic?

STEVIE: Andrew went to help Gary, we're going to do it later!

They walk back to the van. Gary and Andrew are say out the front of the van each with a champagne cocktail. The van is shut up.

MIRANDA: What's all this then?

ANDREW: We've sold out!

GARY: It was weird, there's was a real lull, then suddenly bam! A whole herd of people appeared. We sold out in twenty minutes!

MIRANDA: I wonder where they all came from!?

Miranda winks at the camera. Gary hands her a cocktail, Andrew gives one to Stevie. They all sit together and chink their glasses together.

ALL: Happy Valentines Day!


	26. Fruit-Gals and Vegeta-Pals

EXT: OUTSIDE THE VAN - Miranda and Stevie are trying to sneak off.

GARY: Where do you two think you're going?

MIRANDA: We want to explore a little!

GARY: You're meant to be helping me!

MIRANDA: You have Andrew is he not enough?

Andrew appears from behind the van.

ANDREW: Yeah am I not good enough for you now Gary?

GARY: Whatever I say you are going to twist it, so just go!

Miranda blows him a kiss.

STEVIE: I wonder if we will bump into anyone famous!?

MIRANDA: Raymond Blanc!?

STEVIE: Wouldn't that be weird? I wonder if he remembers us?

MIRANDA: No, Raymond Blanc!

Miranda turns Stevie around, there stands Raymond Blanc. He turns, spots them and walks the opposite direction.

MIRANDA: I think he remembers us!

STEVIE: Well that was awkward! Let's go in here!

Stevie pulls Miranda into a tent, it is full of small stalls, as soon as they walk in the smell of chocolate hits them.

MIRANDA: We need to find where that smell is coming from!

STEVIE: Maybe the stall that says "Chocolate Heaven"

MIRANDA: Good thinking my petite pal!

They run up to the stall, its like a small chocolate factory.

STALL HOLDER: Oh look, its Willy Wonka and his little oompa loompa!

Miranda and Stevie look to each other, Miranda looks to camera.

MIRANDA: Rude!

She takes a tray of samples off the stall.

STALL HOLDER: It was a joke ladies, just chill!

MIRANDA: We shall not chill. Good day to you sir!

They walk off with the chocolates, Miranda turns back.

MIRANDA: I am still angry but please, what is in this and how much would a box cost?

Stevie comes and drags her away. Next they come to a cupcake stall.

STALL HOLDER: Would you like to try one?

MIRANDA: Would I?

Miranda takes a cupcake of the table and bites into it.

STALL HOLDER: What you have there is my chilli and chocolate cupcake!

Miranda spits it out.

MIRANDA: Chilli and Chocolate?

STALL HOLDER: Not a fan?

MIRANDA: My mouth feels like a volcano!

STILL HOLDER: Maybe a Milk Dud Cupcake will help?

Miranda bites into one.

MIRANDA: What's in this one?

STALL HOLDER: Its made with sheep's milk.

Miranda spits it out again.

STALL HOLDER: No?

MIRANDA: No!

STEVIE: Can I try an "All Nighter" please?

The stall holder hands it to Stevie.

MIRANDA: What's in that one?

Stevie eats the cupcake whole.

STALL HOLDER: Maybe you shouldn't have ate it whole!?

MIRANDA: Why ever not?

Stevie starts to lose her balance.

STEVIE: I've gone all giddy!

STALL HOLDER: That'll be the vodka!

MIRANDA: Vodka?

STALL HOLDER: Yes, its flavoured by vodka and red bull.

MIRANDA: Do you not have any normal cakes?

The stall holder points up. The sign reads "Wacky Cakes"

STEVIE: We should get some for the boys!

MIRANDA: The chilli and chocolate ones will give Gary's savoury muffins a run for their money!

STEVIE: Can we grab two chilli and chocolate ones please?

The stall holders packs two chilli and chocolate ones and adds two "All Nighters" as well. She hands them the box.

STALL HOLDER: BOGOF!

MIRANDA: Excuse me?

STALL HOLDER: Sorry, it means Buy one get one free!

MIRANDA: Why didn't you say so?

STALL HOLDER: £3.50 Please?

Miranda looks to Stevie.

MIRANDA: I'm like the queen, I don't carry any money!

Stevie gets out her purse and pays.

STEVIE: Do you seriously not carry money?

MIRANDA: I don't. I have my card for emergencies and Gary pays all the bills, I always forget!

They walk on and stumble across a stall selling Indian Cuisine, they are greeted by a little old lady. She holds a tray of Samosa's.

LITTLE OLD LADY: Please. Try.

MIRANDA: I never refuse food!

Miranda picks up a piece and eats it.

MIRANDA: Yummy!

Suddenly she pulls a funny face.

LITTLE OLD LADY: You like?

MIRANDA: M... M...

STEVIE: What's wrong?

Miranda started to signal for a drink.

STEVIE: You want a drink?

Miranda nods and imitates milking a cow.

LITTLE OLD LADY: Milk?

MIRANDA: M...

Miranda fans her mouth. Stevie nicks a carton of milk from the stall opposite.

STEVIE: Here!

Miranda downs the milk.

MIRANDA: That my dear is spicy!

The little old lady points to the sign. It reads "Spice is Nice!"

MIRANDA: We must read the signs before trying the food!

The little old lady holds up a board. Its a pain scale.

LITTLE OLD LADY: Pain?

MIRANDA: 10! MAGMA!

The little old lady laughs.

MIRANDA: Its not funny!

LITTLE OLD LADY: Yes! Funny!

Miranda tries to walk off. The little old lady grabs her.

LITTLE OLD LADY: No go! Stay!

Miranda breaks from her grasp.

MIRANDA: Run Stevie Run!

After a few minutes they stop running and stumble across a stall that is selling Organic Fruit and Veg. To the left there is a slightly smaller stall home to a little girl. The sign reads "Fruit-Gals and Vegta-Men.

MIRANDA: And what do we have here?

LITTLE GIRL: Hi there! I am Maisy!

MIRANDA: Hi Maisy! I like these!

MAISY: Why thank you!

Miranda picks up a pumpkin.

LITTLE GIRL: That is Professor Plumpkin!

Miranda turns the pumpkin around to reveal it is wearing glasses and the little girl has drawn on a suit.

MIRANDA: Maisy, he is amazing! I used to make things like this, but I called them Fruit Friends and Vegetapals!

MAISY: I thought I was the only one who made them!

MIRANDA: I thought I was the only that made them! This makes me very happy!

Miranda high fives Maisy and kneels at the stall.

STEVIE: If you're happy here, I will carry on looking around the stalls!

Miranda just nods as she and Maisy start to decorate a butternut squash. Stevie walks off.

EXT: OUTSIDE GARY'S VAN - Andrew and Stevie are led on a foldable sofa, Gary is sat on a deck chair. Miranda walks up with a bag.

GARY: So what'cha get?

MIRANDA: Oh many things, but the piece de résistance are these!

She puts the bag down and pulls out the cupcakes. Stevie's eyes light up.

STEVIE: Oh yes, we found these and wanted you to try them! We wanted to see what you thought!

Miranda hands them out to Gary and Andrew.

MIRANDA: After three you need to put the whole cupcake in your mouth and eat!

MIRANDA/STEVIE: 1, 2 ... 3!

Gary and Andrew shove the cupcakes in their mouths and start to chew.

MIRANDA: Nice?

Gary and Andrew's faces start to turn bright red, they start to sweat. Stevie holds up two cartons of milk.

STEVIE: Milk?

They grab them from her and down the milk.

Scene ends.


End file.
